


woo hoo

by mellieforyellie



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, College AU, Drinking, F/M, Light breathplay, Multi, Oral, Public Sex, References to Drugs, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 21,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mellieforyellie/pseuds/mellieforyellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>congratulations, it’s 2 am and you’re covered in glitter and what you’re pretty sure is tequila bottles. you’re headed places, kid. — inspired by TLFN ; word-vomit collection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (925): frankly, since i met you, i practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex

**Author's Note:**

> this is a very random collection of, well, word-vomit (because it is too long and somewhat structured to call them drabbles, but too nonsensical and linked to call them one-shots) all based around the same universe. which is all inspired by real TFLN's. have fun!
> 
> ps— the pairings are in no particular order. it all depends on whichever TLFN. i will try to kind of regulate it, but we'll see.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inokiba: “Lingerie is now the only way we can compete these days, Kiba,” she murmurs, tugging on his shirt. “Off. Now.” 
> 
> He complies, pulling away from her — and she shivers as his warmth leaves her torso — to pull off his shirt, tossing it somewhere behind him. Neither of them really care.

It was Girl Night. Well, ok, it was _supposed_ to be Girl Night. 

Sakura (stupid bitch) had gotten a page saying they needed her at the hospital. She was a fucking intern! Who needs the _intern_ at the hospital in times of crisis? Fuck.

Hinata (sweet, sweet, dear baby she could never be mad at) and Tenten (stupid bitch) had a stupid family dinner that they had to go to that they “absolutely” could not get out of. And Tenten only had to go because she was dating the absolute prick Neji. How she had gained control of the boy was beyond Ino’s imagination.

Karin (stupid bitch) had just kind of said _fuck you_ and decided that getting laid tonight was more important than hanging out with _her_. How dare she, right? She was _obviously_ more important than dick, ok.

So here Ino was, curled up on her couch, cradling a bottle of beer and watching Pretty Little Liars in her boyfriend’s T-shirt and sexy panties that she really had only put on to flaunt to her friends. But they _weren’t here_. Because they were _assholes_.

 **to:** **Sak, Tenny, Kar, Hina  
** **from: Ino**  
 _you are all assholes, and i hate you. bet you wish you were here with me and my 24-pack of corona. bitches ain’t shit._

They all sent her a collective text of a resounding “shut the fuck up, Ino” and with that, she promptly resisted the urge to throw her phone across the room. These dumb bitches and their stupid responsibilities that interfered with the sacred Girl Night.

She heard the mechanical unlocking of the apartment door and immediately took another swig of her beer in celebration. _Hell yes_ , her boy was home, and now she could totally rub in all the girl’s faces the amazing sex they had while they were off doing stuff that _wasn’t_ Girl’s Night.

“Ki- _baaaa_ ,” she sings, giggly and open-mouthed. And she wasn’t even drunk yet.

He raises an eyebrow at her as he closes the door behind him, smirking that smirky-smirk of his that she _loved_. “I thought it was Girl’s Night?”

“They all ditched me,” she pouts, drinking another mouthful of beer. “They all had stuff to do that was _more important_ than getting drunk and talking about our sex lives. They’re so mean.”

Kiba laughs and plops down on the couch next to her, curling an arm around her shoulder. He kisses her neck once and steals her bottle while she’s distracted, taking a long drink from it. She smacks his arm.

“Get your own, asshole!” 

He grins, holding the bottle with his other arm directly out of her reach, and kisses her when she leans over to try to grab it back from him. He tastes like buffalo wings (while they were supposed to have Girl’s Night, they had Guy’s Night at a bar — it was football season, duh) and Corona, and she loves it. She kisses him back, wrapping her outstretched arms around his shoulders, fingers idly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

He pulls apart for one more drink, before handing the bottle to her. She gulps down a good fifth of the bottle before setting it on the coffee table and leaning into him with a kiss.

Kiba’s hands are warm as they encase her, sneaking in under her shirt — _his_ shirt — and rubbing at the place where her panties meet her hips. He raises an eyebrow as he traces along the lace.

“Sexy panties for a Girl’s Night?” he asks, grinning, kissing her jaw. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Lingerie is now the only way we can compete these days, Kiba,” she murmurs, tugging on his shirt. “Off. Now.” 

He complies, pulling away from her — and she shivers as his warmth leaves her torso — to pull off his shirt, tossing it somewhere behind him. Neither of them really care.

And they’re kissing again, his hands warm on her thighs and her nails sharp on his back. They both like it rough, and as he suddenly kneads her ass cheek she moans sharply. He pushes her onto her back on the couch and her legs immediately wrap around his hips.

Ino stares up at him with long, fluttery eyelashes and the smile of a vixen. 

“Guess you weren’t expecting sex tonight, were you?” she murmurs against his lips.

Kiba shakes his head, laughing. “Frankly, since I met you, I exist in practically a constant state of readiness for sex.”

She pouts. “Am I that bad?”

“Yeah.” But then he kisses her, long and hard, biting her lower lip hard enough to make her squeak. “But then again, so am I.”

And this was why she was going to marry him. 


	2. (216): i can’t find my underwear or one of my shoes, but he baked me cookies for breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruhina: She often prided herself on the fact that she usually had a good sense of judgment. But when vodka was involved, that was usually the first thing to go.

Hinata was, really, not usually one to get drunk. Mostly because she did not like not having control over what she did or what she remembered, and she often prided herself on the fact that she usually had a good sense of judgment. But when vodka was involved, that was usually the first thing to go.

For starters, at least she knew where she was, and that she had not done something she was going to regret. Sure, it was going to suck because she can already feel the tell-tale soreness of a night of great sex and she couldn’t even remember it, but at least it had been with her boyfriend and not some random guy. Well, ok, that had never happened to her before — the only reason she had even let herself get drunk was because he had been there — but she had heard enough of the other girls’ stories to never want it to happen.

But she was completely naked under the covers and her boyfriend was nowhere in sight. And while looking through the piles of discarded clothes on the floor, she could not seem to locate her panties. Fuck.

Instead, she pulled on one of his t-shirts (which was, admittedly, _huge_ on her) and a pair of his boxers that she knew weren’t really going to stay on very well, but hey, it was better than bare ass against cold wood. 

She walks out sleepily, just in time to see him set down a huge tray from the oven onto the island countertop. Hinata blinks at the sheer amount of cookies that are collected on it, before wrapping her arms around his middle.

Naruto grins down at her, pulls the oven mitts off and kisses the top of her head. “Mornin’. You hungry?”

“Cookies? Really?” she asks with a laugh, pinching his waist to tease him.

“Yup,” he says, before pointing to his small dinner table. “There’s some aspirin and some water. I think you’re phone’s over there, too.”

Hinata reaches up to kiss him with a smile. “You’re perfect.”

He grins and kisses her noises, before shooing her away. “I try.”

As Hinata chugs down the water and the aspirin, she sits down to check her phone. Ino, of course, so used to hangovers from hard nights of partying is already up and making sure she’s ok.

**to: Hina**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _ok, how hung over are you?_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Hina**  
 _I think I’m so hung over I can’t tell._

**to: Hina**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _damage control?_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Hina**  
 _I don’t remember the sex we had last night and I can’t find my underwear or one of my shoes, but he baked me cookies for breakfast._

**to: Hina**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _he’s a keeper._


	3. (623): i figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suikar: When she arrived at the station to save him, he had just walked through the door, hadn’t even been put in a cell yet, and to be honest, the cop that had arrested him looked pretty pissed that he had already gotten bailed out.
> 
> Suigetsu’s grinning as they walk out and into the parking lot. “Damn, you must really love my dick — ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't put the entire TLFN in the chapter title because it's long, so.

Karin stared down at the text in front of her. Just. 

What the actual fuck.

 **to: two-headed bitch  
** **from: sharky asshole**  
 _Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight._  

**to: sharky asshole**  
 **from: two-headed bitch**  
 _you have to be serious otherwise you wouldn’t be so nice right now._

**to: two-headed bitch**  
 **from: sharky asshole**  
 _That is correct, babe. So, you want go wait at the station for me?_

**to: sharky asshole**  
 **from: two-headed bitch**  
 _why the fuck am i dating you. why. maybe i should just make you suffer for a night._

**to: two-headed bitch**  
 **from: sharky asshole**  
 _Because of the mind blowing sex. Which, by the way, I can promise lots of - however you want - if you can come bail me out tonight. Oh, there’s the cop. See you later, Sweetcheeks._

**to: sharky asshole**  
 **from: two-headed bitch**  
 _i hate you and your dick. i’ll be there in 15._

She can’t believe she was fucking doing this. The wad of cash stunk of weed but maybe if she sprayed enough perfume on it and let it air out for long enough in the car that the cops wouldn’t be able to tell. She threw the cash in the passenger seat next to her and Christ, if she shouldn’t have gotten a ticket herself for the way she drove. She was never a very good angry driver.

**to: Ino, Sak, Hina, Tenny**  
 **from: Kar**  
 _thank yourselves and your good judgment because you’re not driving to the police station at 2 in the morning with your boyfriends weed money to bail him out in return for topping for a night. what did i ever do to deserve to want someone like him._

**to: Kar**  
 **from: Sak**  
 _Do you really want the answer to that question?_

**to: Sak**  
 **from: Kar**  
 _i don’t need your sass._

Karin hated her friends, and she hated her boyfriend.

When she arrived at the station to save him, he had just walked through the door, hadn’t even been put in a cell yet, and to be honest, the cop that had arrested him looked pretty pissed that he had already gotten bailed out.

Suigetsu’s grinning as they walk out and into the parking lot. “Damn, you must _really_ love my dick — ”

“That’s fucking right,” she growls, pushing him against the side of her Toyota, grabbing him by the collar and kissing him hard and fierce. “Because I absolutely _loathe_ you. And I’m going to top you so hard tonight you will _never_ think about doing whatever stupid shit you did tonight again.” 

Ok, Suigetsu wouldn’t admit it, but he secretly totally loved it when Karin topped him. He would never let her _know_ that, because she gets _way_ too much satisfaction out of it and made him _far_ too sore, but he did. 

His fingers curl around the swell of her ass and _squeeze_ , and he grins on the inside at her growl. “Maybe we should take this home, babe.”

“I fucking hate you and your stupid names,” she grumbles, readjusting her glasses and unlocking the car.

Oh, they were both going to enjoy the _hell_ out of tonight.

 **from: Ino**  
 **to: Kar**  
 _so, was it worth it?_

**from: Kar**  
 **to: Ino**  
 _hell fucking yeah._


	4. (650): i'm driving to work with an icepack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sasusaku: Sakura sighed. He must be asleep by now. Yeah, so she wasn’t going to get to surprise him with sex, but whatever. Maybe she should give him a blowjob in the morning to apologize for all this shit?

So, it was supposed to have been _their_ weekend. Sasuke had taken off work at his crappy part-time mall job all week, and Sakura was _supposed_ to have gotten work off at the hospital all weekend off. 

Keyword: _supposed_.

They would cuddle until late in the morning, because Sakura was _tired_ and she just wanted to _sleep_ and Sasuke respected that. They would hang out for the most part until late afternoon, watching Netflix and playing stupid video games together. And every single time they would start getting touchy, kissing hot and open-mouthed, clothes barely beginning to come off, there it was.

 _Beep. Beep. Beep_.

Her pager.

It was Sunday at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and all Sasuke could do was groan and throw himself back against the couch.

“Are you kidding me,” he says, glaring up at the ceiling. “Are you fucking kidding me.”

Sakura groans, too. But she gets up, changes into her work clothes — her stupid, stupid work clothes — and kisses him before she leaves. “I’ll be back later. I’ll text you when I get out.”

“ _If_ you get out,” he grumbles, still glaring, not having moved. “You might as well live there, Sakura.” 

She was only mildly irritated at his attitude, but that didn’t stop her from making a snide comment. He should learn not to fuck with her by now.

“Because I really, honestly _wanted_ to get called in every day on what was supposed to be my weekend.” She slips her keys and her cell into her pocket. “Bye.”

She slams the door on her way out.

Sasuke sighs.

**to: Dobe**  
 **from: Teme**  
 _I hate that she interns at the hospital. Is this the kind of blue balls I will have to deal with for the rest of my life?_

**to: Teme**  
 **from: Dobe**  
 _didn’t she have the weekend off? weren’t you guys supposed to have incredible sex?_

**to: Dobe**  
 **from: Teme**  
 _Yes. And yes. Which is precisely why I’m currently blue balling because she’s gotten called in EVERY SINGLE DAY this weekend and she’s not home until like, midnight and by then she’s too tired to do anything._

**to: Teme**  
 **from: Dobe**  
 _dude. pity._

The more he thought about it, the more he decided he wasn’t going to let this weekend be _completely_ wasted. Yeah, ok, he had a plan. 

**to: Sasuke**  
 **from: Sakura**  
 _Ok, on my way home. Sorry about all this._

It was only eleven when Sakura started climbing the stairs to her apartment, which was, admittedly surprising. She had been out past midnight and one o’ clock on her previous nights and she still had some energy left. Maybe she could surprise Sasuke and they could still redeem their weekend after all?

She unlocked the door and walked in, throwing her keys and phone onto the kitchen counter and shrugging out of her lab coat.

“Sasuke?” she called out into the darkness.

Silence. 

Sakura sighed. He must be asleep by now. Yeah, so she wasn’t going to get to surprise him with sex, but whatever. Maybe she should give him a blowjob in the morning to apologize for all this shit?

And then she was promptly pushed up against the door, resisting the urge to scream. She knew the warm lips that were at her neck, knew the hands that were trapping her own above her head. She sighed and tilted her head to allow Sasuke more access to her neck, hickeys be damned.  

He pulled away to capture her mouth in a kiss, and she twined her fingers through with his and kissed him back. Sakura whimpered as he bit her lip hard, trailing down her jaw to breathe into her ear.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she murmured shakily, before breaking out his grip and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Can we fuck now, please?”

He smirked and bit her neck, hard enough for her to squeal. Oh yeah, that was going to leave a nice, big bruise.

“That can be arranged.”

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Sak**  
 _I’m driving to work with an icepack on my vagina. How was your weekend?_

**to: Sak**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _obviously not as good as yours was._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm kind of giving each pairing their own little chapter to regulate before i just start choosing whoever the fuck i want and whichever TLFN i want. next chapter is the last regulated chapter. 
> 
> i am still going to try to regulate somewhat though, so there is some variety. we'll see.


	5. (631): but he buys me breakfast and goes down on me, that's hard to find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nejiten: “I am getting my hashbrowns,” she mumbles, smacking him idly. “And if you dare try to stop me, so help me God.”
> 
> He didn’t need to be told twice, but crinkled his nose as he handed her the bag of six hashbrowns that smelled like death.
> 
> “I think I’m going to puke, and I was the designated driver.”
> 
> “Shut your whore mouth, Neji.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last of the completely regulated chapters. also, i will try to keep up with at least a chapter a day. we'll see how things go. 
> 
> also, a small warning for some smut. it's a thing that will probably be repeated. a lot.

It had been 4 o’ clock in the morning, ok, but she was kind of drunk and lets face it, the only way she was _not_ going to puke was if she had McDonald hashbrowns. 

“I still don’t understand how this is going to help you _not_ puke,” he says as he waits by the drive-thru window, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “I can smell the grease from here, Tenten, and that’s not usually best on a stomach that’s otherwise empty except for vodka.”

“I am getting my hashbrowns,” she mumbles, smacking him idly. “And if you dare try to stop me, so help me God.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, but crinkled his nose as he handed her the bag of six hashbrowns that smelled like death.

“I think _I’m_ going to puke, and I was the designated driver.”

“Shut your whore mouth, Neji.”

He had generally built up kind of an immunity to her drunken ramblings and usually didn’t miss a beat, but sometimes, like this time, he had to just kind of shake his head and ignore it all.

During the rest of the ride to her apartment, she mumbled things that he couldn’t understand around mouthfuls of hashbrowns, and as much as he didn’t like people eating in his car, this was _Tenten_. She had puked in his car, they had had sex in his car, and he would rather much have crumbs to clean out than puke. (He had to get his entire upholstery replaced the last time she puked in his car. That had been a sad moment.)

She had been finished with her food by the time he had pulled into a parking spot for her complex, and helped her out of the car.

“Are you staying with me?” she mumbles, interlocking their fingers.

Neji nods; he doesn’t have work or classes in the morning and, to be honest, he was not quite sure how much he trusted drunk Tenten before she fell asleep. And he was still quite positive that she was going to end up puking and wanted to make sure she didn’t die by choking on her own vomit.

“’Kay.”

She hands him her keys and doesn’t even bother trying to unlock the door, and just lets him do it for her. Once he opens it, she pulls off her shoes and immediately goes to flop onto her bed. It is soft and wants to envelope her and _wow_ she just wants to sleep now.

“Change into some pajamas, please,” Neji says, nudging her. “Or at least take off the jeans or something. You’re not going to be comfortable in the morning. Afternoon. Whenever you wake up.”

She groans. She’s perfectly happy where she is and she does not want to move. She shakes her head no as best she can against her pillow.

Tenten hears him sigh and rolls her over — despite her very unhappy groan — and tries to pull off the jeans she had been wearing.

“What am I, four?” she mumbles, but lifts her hips to let him pull them off of her.

“Well, when I have to dress you, you’re probably more around the two range.” He shoots her a look. “Maybe younger.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, but tugs at his shirt.

“What?”

“I want to wear this shirt.”

“But this is my shirt.”

“I know. I don’t care.”

He sighs, pulls off his shirt and hands it to her. She sits up for long enough to take off her bra and her own shirt, flinging them somewhere to the other side of the room, and pulls his on. It smells like him and only a little like the bar they had spent all night at.

Before she really knows what she’s doing, she pulls Neji closer and kisses him, sighing into his mouth. Her nails graze lightly down his bare back, and she smiles at his small shiver that she knows he tried to hide.

But then before she knows what _he’s_ doing, he’s trailing kisses down her jaw and pulling off her panties. She doesn’t really resist, because there really isn’t a reason to — besides, she’s already exhausted, maybe a good orgasm will just totally knock her out and maybe it will cure just a little bit of the overwhelming hangover she’ll have in the morning — but does raise an eyebrow.

“What’re you doing?”

He answers her with a kiss to her inner thigh, and _o-kay_ , hello sudden arousal, _didn’t see you there_. She throws her head back against her pillow and tries not to bite her lip too hard.

“Fuck,” she gasps as he trails a rough thumbpad along her clit. “Oh my god.”

Ok, sex with Neji, was, admittedly, great. Like, holy fucking _shit_ , was sex with Neji great. But when he did stuff like this? Oh, hot damn. She had told him she would marry him the first time he did this. He was _so_ good at oral, that she was honestly surprised that she was his first and only. Where had he learned this shit? Because he knew exactly what to do and she _never_ had to tell him anything aside from mostly pointless wanton pleas.

And, wow, the things he could do with his tongue. Which, by the way, was currently circling her clit just, so, wow, perfectly. She can’t really think and voices her pleasure by gripping the pillow tighter and digging her heels into his back with a whimper.

Tenten can literally feel his smirk on her vagina, and is about to say something about how much of an egotistical asshole he is, but he presses down on her hips just a little tighter and delves inside of her with his tongue and she sees white.

Ok, yeah, he deserves that ego — every single bit of it.

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _ok, how shitfaced did we get last night? i have a bruise on my ass in the shape of the bar counter and i can’t walk._

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _if i remember correctly, you tried to pay for another jello shot via lap dance over the bar counter._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _oh my god. did i do it?!_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _no, kiba stopped you, paid for the drink, and pushed you into the cab too fast for you to process._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _oh thank god. i probably owe him a bj for that, don’t i?  
_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _most likely._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _how was the drunken sex with YOUR man last night? can you even remember it?_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _i didn’t get NEARLY as shit-faced as you did last night, thank you very much. and we didn’t have sex - he drove, was stone sober and it was 4 am._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _bummer. bo-ring._

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _but he buys me breakfast and goes down on me. THAT’S HARD TO FIND._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _who would have known the boy had it in him? & the question is, should we tell hinata about this development? i mean, i know we all pretty much have a collective sex life at this point, but where do we draw the line?_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Tenny**  
 _dude, last night was so amazing, i don’t give a fuck how uncomfortable she is, she has to know. this is what her gene pool branched from._

**to: Tenny**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _ok, fair enough._


	6. (716): i just had sex in the back of an ambulance. call me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sasusaku: “You could so get fired.”
> 
> She groans, putting her head in her hands. “Oh God, shut up. Just shut up. Don’t even make me think about it. Oh my god. This is your fault.”

Sakura really doesn’t know how she got away with this. 

They had just been having lunch, he didn’t have classes for the rest of the day, and she was on break for the next hour. He had driven down to the hospital so they could have lunch in the cafeteria, legs entangled under the cheap plastic table. They had just been eating, talking idly about class and work, eating their respective meals.

And then they shared a _look_ , and they were gone.

She lets herself be pulled up into the back of the ambulance, not really worrying about the way her pencil skirt rides up as she steps up. Then, Sasuke is kissing her neck and everything gets a little hazy from there.

Well, ok, she remembers the harsh bite to her collarbone (right where nobody could see it) and the panty drop, but she doesn’t really remember when her skirt got hitched up to her waist and when he got his dick inside her. But, well, that really didn’t matter anymore because — did she mention she loved his dick?

And very soon after they both come — her first, because Sasuke always made sure before he got his — and they’re sitting on the bed that is _supposed_ to be for emergency patients, that they can hear the EMT drivers rushing toward the vehicle. And they book it out the back barely smoothing out her skirt and he’s still buttoning his jeans back up. _Fuck_ , she’s going to have to get a tampon in just so she doesn’t leak cum all over the place — they should really invest in condoms for on-the-go sex.

“How the hell does this happen?” Sakura asks him, exasperated and breathless.

She doesn’t mention the fact that it’s a little hard to stand, and to be honest she might kill herself if she stays in these heels.

Sasuke shrugs, and she can tell he is _also_ suffering from post-orgasm high — and hey, why shouldn’t he be, she was hot shit — before looking at her out of the corners of his eyes. “You could so get fired.”

She groans, putting her head in her hands. “Oh God, shut up. Just shut up. Don’t even make me think about it. Oh my god. This is your fault.”  
  
“Don’t blame this on me.” 

“You’re the one who pulled me into the ambulance! Oh my God.”

“You didn’t have to go along.”

He’s smirking now. That asshole.

“Go away, I’m done, goodbye.” 

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Sak**  
 _i just had sex in the back of an ambulance. call me._  
  
 **to: Sak**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _at work?!?_ _…do tell._


	7. (330): my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens, we just get get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inokiba: “Is that a proposal?”
> 
> “Depends, will you wear the ring?”

Kiba had bought the weed from Suigetsu — _God_ , that boy bought a fuck lot of weed — and she had ordered the pizza, wings, and Chinese food. _That_ had been a lot of sexual tension between delivery boys, considering all three of them had somehow, miraculously, arrived at the same time? Whatever, she didn’t care, they could think she was a fatass if they wanted to. 

By the time she had arranged the food _beautifully_ on the coffee table, set up Netflix on the Playstation and had the coziest fucking sofa pillow orgy one could have, Kiba had come back, tossing her the bag with a grin. “We fucking _scored_.”

Ino grins as she pulls him toward her, kissing him.

They were going to get _shit-faced_.

They usually couldn’t afford things like this — times were hard, college was expensive, and so was weed and take-out. They didn’t have cable, and most of the time their spare money went to alcohol or shopping. They always managed somehow — ok, well, she _did_ have Daddy wrapped around her little finger, and he didn’t want his poor girl to be out on the _streets_ — but usually didn’t have much spare money for a _feast_ as tonight would be.

But, Suigetsu loved them, Kiba had made some extra money at work, and Ino promised she wouldn’t buy anymore shoes for the rest of the month. 

She lets him start rolling while she pulls up _Clerks_ — it really was a shame they didn’t have _Clerks 2_ , because that movie was the shit, ok. But, Clerks was fantastic in its own way and it was seriously honestly the best thing to watch while they were high.

(Ok, they _could_ watch _Portlandia_ , but that show was all kinds of stupid on its own.)

They shared one at first, handing it to one another between inhales and exhales, quickly filling the room with heavy, opaque smoke. The beginning of Clerks, was, as usual, the beginning — it wasn’t really _funny_ until Randall showed up. Or until Jay and Silent Bob’s cameo, but that was a different story.

Then they began to devour the wings. They always ate by order — the wings were best when hot, so they always ate those first, then pizza, then Chinese for (mostly) leftovers in the morning.

The black and white bright against the dark backdrop of the rest of the apartment kind of hurt Ino’s sensitive eyes, but amidst the giggles and the _food_ (holy shit, food was _so_ good when she was stoned) and the kissing she didn’t really care.

She would like to say that she had pretty much perfected the shotgun at this point, and kissing Kiba after they had discarded the joint in the ashtray was pretty much perfect. She could taste the smoke still in his mouth, and she could smell it as he exhaled it through his noise. She really didn’t know kind of why smoking was really hot, just that it kind of _was_.

They cuddle and stare at the TV as Dante and Veronica fight about how many people they’ve slept with, and Kiba looks down at her. “Hey, we’re not like that, right?”

Ino shoots him a look. “Kiba, you don’t ask about how many people I’ve fucked — which is quite a few — and I don’t ask you how many people you’ve fucked — which is quite a few — and it will stay that way. Because who needs that kind of negative bullshit? Um, no one.”

He smiles and kisses the top of her head. “Love you, kiddo.”

She beams, and flutters her lashes. “Besides, I’m pretty sure we’re the only people we’ll ever fuck again.”

“Is that a proposal?”

“Depends, will you wear the ring?”

“I will so wear your diamond, Ino. Just make sure to carry me over the threshold, ok?”

They laugh and kiss and smoke and life is beautiful.

**to: Karin**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark.  
_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Karin**  
 _you smoked your weed well, i see._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm going to have one more circulation of pairings, and i'll start throwing broships in! pretty self-explanatory, right? ok, good.


	8. (571): i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suika: “Wanna play rough, babe? We can play rough.”
> 
> “Think I can’t bite back, pretty boy? Try again.”

Tonight was fucking _awesome_. 

They had been able to pull Hinata and Tenten with them to the club-bar-thing-place, two people who would normally not be seen _dead_ in a club, but they had let them because it was _summer_ , and _fuck_ everything. College was so fucking boring, and the exams had been _hell_ (ugh, and now they would have to start their _real_ classes, that was going to suck) and they deserved to let loose for a night.

When they get to the club, they pass by the line, because Hinata and Karin had _boobs_ , Ino and Sakura were _gorgeous_ , and Tenten could kick anybody’s ass who _dared_ stand in her way. With a stamp on their hands, they were in, music pounding loud enough to immediately make them disorientated.

Despite Ino and Karin’s whine, they insist on drinks first, and order girly drinks as their starters, because the bitter burning was normally a lot easier to down when they were already kind of trashed.

(And oh, were they going to get _smashed_.)

By the third round of drinks they were all kind of giggly and tipsy, and so they took to the dance floor.

Karin and Ino danced together, laughing because they had been dancing together since they were _tiny_ , and it was sometimes so _hard_ not to burst into choreographed movement, but they didn’t. Hinata was always kind of protected, in some form, and at this point it was by Tenten and Sakura, blocking her from the lustful stares of, well, _too_ many guys.

Karin and Ino, however, didn’t give a _fuck_ about those stares. Because they were fucking _hot_ and every guy _should_ be staring at them, with their fabulous tits and their pretty butts and these six-inch heels weren’t for nothing.

And ok, they’ll admit, usually these nights ended up with them going home with some random stranger. But they didn’t really regret, because that was a _bad_ negative word that they didn’t like. Besides, who the hell had regrets like that? They just wanted _fun_ and fuck if they weren’t going to get it, ok.

As the noise of Ke$ha began to fade several songs later, Karin pulled into in close to yell into her ear “I’m going to go get something else to drink!”

She sat next to a particularly _attractive_ individual — ok, understatement, he was hot as fuck — and ordered a vodka and coke (“But, more vodka, less coke, ‘kay?”) and shot a side-glance at the guy next to her.

He was kind of built. Well, ok, not like he was _bulging_ with biceps, but he was pretty toned. And he had pretty-pretty violet eyes and light hair and hey, ok, she could totally fuck him.

And, well, she was _going_ to fuck him.

* * *

 

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Kar  
** _hey so um. i found my dick for tonight. it is prospective from the looks of it. will prob not be back to you guys. love & kisses!_

**to: Kar**  
 **from: Ino**  
 _BITCH. THIS WAS OUR NIGHT. YOU SUCK. YOU AND YOUR STUPID HORNY VAGINA SUCKS.  
_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Kar**  
 _cry me a river build a bridge & get over it. stfu.  
_

**to: Ino**  
 **from: Kar**  
 _you’re mean and we’re no longer friends. bai, see you NEVER, stupid bitch.  
(let me know how the sex thing goes. k? k. lessthanthree.)_

* * *

 

Yeah, ok, they were crazy bitches, but they loved it, and anyone who thought they were anything other than _amazing_ obviously did not belong in their lives.

She drinks a good fourth of the glass in her first gulp, welcoming the slow burn down her throat and the almost-comforting warmth in the pit of her stomach.

The boy stares at her from the corner of his eyes, and Karin can see the slow smirk he has and wow, that was fucking _hot_. ( _You can smirk at me like that all night, pretty boy_.)

“Impressive,” he murmurs, and his voice was like quicksilver.

 _Score_. That wasn’t impressive at all — he was just flirting with her. She smirks, and looks down at him from over the top of her glasses.

“That’s not even the beginning of what I can do,” she says with a flirty smile and a flutter of her lashes.

He grins, intrigued. “Oh, really?”

His voice is smooth and sultry, and to be honest she’s getting a little wet just _thinking_ about sex with him.

She nods slowly, taking a sip of her drink. “Yeah, would you like to find out?”

Their eyes connect, violet and red in a flash, and they pay for their drinks with a flash of cash on the bar and they’re gone.

He takes her in his car, and between the making out against his car and in it before they’re even out of the parking lot, they exchange names breathlessly, swallowing the syllables and ingesting them in one another.

Karin thought his name was funny. Sui-get-su. It almost made her giggle (or maybe that was the alcohol?— she didn’t know, didn’t care anymore) except for the fact that she was really fucking attracted to him and he, apparently, totally wanted to get with her.

“Mm, just take us to my place,” she murmurs against the shell of his ear, purring along with the engine of his car (it was _fancy_ and she _liked_ it) as he started it up. “Privacy. Neighbor’s won’t complain.”

Ok, well, yeah, it was private. Mostly because her parents had moved out long ago and well, she was trying to make a summer job so she could have enough for an apartment, since the other girls were _bitches_ and didn’t need a fucking roommate — stupid rich bitches with parents that cared, _sigh_ — and so the house was completely empty, save for the kitchen, lots of boxes, and her bedroom.

She directs him as they go, and they share hot, hungry kisses between red lights. She spies the dark lights of Sakura’s house across the street and giggles to herself, wondering if Sakura would even come _back_ in the morning. (Not if she wanted to get laid, _that_ ’ _s_ for sure — but then again, she wasn’t quite as promiscuous as her and Ino were.)

 “Sorry for the mess,” Karin mumbles as she unlocks the door and allows him inside. “Moving soon.”

“Mm, don’t really care,” Suigetsu ( _Sui-get-suuuuu_ ) murmurs against her ear, pushing her up against the door as soon as she closes it. He runs the tip of his tongue ( _don’t shiver, don’t shiver, DON’T SHIVE— fuck, I shivered_ ) along the shell of her ear as his hands run down her sides. “Where’s the bedroom, babe?”

With a languid walk, she links their fingers and leads him upstairs to her room, and their periodic stops against the hall wall to make out were, really, just small speed bumps.

(Speaking of, the things he could do with his tongue? Yeah, Karin was looking forward to fucking him.)

As soon as she pulls him into the room, she’s on her back on top of her bed, and he’s kissing her and just, _wow_. She smirks into the kiss, running her hands up his back and under shirt, before _raking_ back down again. She bites his bottom lip when he pulls away with a sharp gasp and flips them over.

* * *

 

Oh, she shouldn’t have _done_ that.

Suigetsu was not one to be _dominated_ — he was the one in control, he was _always_ the one in control, and no _one_ was going to fucking change that. And this little girl? She had no fucking idea what she was getting into.

He growls, grinding his hips into hers, smirking at her gasp.

“Wanna play rough, babe? We can play rough.”

* * *

 

He fucking growled, and it was _hot_ and — oh, what was that about playing rough? Oh, did he think Karin couldn’t _handle_ that?

 _Cute_.

She smiles bitterly at him, before pulling her shirt off in one fluid motion and smashing her lips to his, nails digging into his skull.

“Think I can’t bite back, pretty boy? Try again.”

* * *

 

Suigetsu sucks at her tongue as it sneaks into his mouth, grabbing a fistful of her long, bright hair in his hand and _pulling_. He can hear her whimper into his mouth, but it seemed to only turn her on further, kissing him back with a new fervor and tugging up at his shirt.

“Off,” she commands, fierce crimson eyes staring into his, and a slow, _evil_ smile spreads across her face. “Or I might have to get violent.”

_So she likes it rough, huh? Well, I can do with that._

He and this girl might get along, he thinks. Because so far, the sex was fucking great and she only had her shirt off. Oh, yeah, this might be a night worth remembering.

* * *

 

Karin woke up, groggy and with a pounding head. And _fuck_ , she hurt _everywhere_.

She was currently naked, with a rather warm and — dare she say it? — firm body next to her, pressed against her backside. She looks behind her, barely noting the arm strewn over her waist (and not even considering the way their fingers were interlocked) and raises her eyebrows.

 _Ok, go drunk me_.

He was fucking _hot_ , and while she couldn’t really remember his name — S something? — she could definitely remember the hot, violent sex they had the previous night. Oh, yeah, she could get used to this.

His neck was covered in hickeys, bruises, and bite marks and after a quick inspection via the screen of her cell, she determined that she was, too. Her legs felt like fucking jelly, her whole genital region _throbbed_ , and she could tell she was not getting rid of these bruises for _weeks_.

What a fucking night.

* * *

 

When Suigetsu wakes up, it’s alone.

He wasn’t really very drunk last night, and he can remember _everything_.

He grins, taking note of the satisfied way she looked when she passed out last night, and oh yeah, she was _totally_ going to be his number one booty call. That had been fucking _awesome_.

Pulling his boxers on from the place they were strewn across the room, he walks down the stairs, sort of kind of trying to find her, but mostly following the scent of cooking food. Fuck, he was hungry.

And she’s — fuck, what’s her name? Karui? he had been a little preoccupied — donning an apron in his shirt and a pair of lacy panties, cooking pancakes. She turns around, hearing him stumbling down the stairs, and smiles.

“Hungry?”

He was going to have to get this girl’s number. She was the lay of a lifetime, _and_ she was cooking him breakfast? Hell yes.

* * *

 

Karin doesn’t miss the way he looks her up and down, especially when he realizes that she’s wearing his shirt. And, wow, looks at those _abs_ — yep, booty call. It was going to happen. She was going to be _very_ involved with that dick in the future. 

“Fucking starving,” he replies with a  grin, sitting down at the kitchen island.

She hands him a plate of pancakes before setting down the butter and maple syrup in the middle. “My name’s Karin, by the way. I can’t remember your name for shit, so I didn’t think you remembered mine, either.”

* * *

 

“Suigetsu,” he mumbles around a forkful of pancake.

They sit next to each other and eat in a comfortable silence, occasionally stealing glances at each other out of the corner of their eyes, before he lets his fork clatter to his plate. 

“Thanks, that was fucking awesome,” he says, stealing a look around the rest of the place. “Say, why do you have this empty house? Pretty big for one person.” 

Karin swallows her mouthful of food before replying. “Parent’s are selling, moved out a while ago. Trying to find an apartment. Kind of hard to find one that’s not a piece of shit.”

She needed a place to stay, huh?

* * *

 

“I’ve been looking for a roommate for like, months, actually,” he says, shooting her a glance with his _pretty_ -pretty violet eyes. “Wanna check it out?”

Karin raises her eyebrows. Living with the guy she wanted to fuck? Oh, this could work out in so many ways. She might find out he’s a piece of shit later, since she didn’t really _know_ him, but, what the hell. Life was short, right?

“Yeah,” she says, a slow smirk growing. “Text me the address.”

* * *

 

“I might need your number for that, Babe,” Suigetsu says, with a grin. 

She hums and hands him her cell, with a fluttery bat of lash and sexy smile. Oh, he could get used to this.

He programs his name in her phone — oh, she might kill him later — and sends a text to his phone so he has her number, and hands it back.

She smiles at him as he places her phone back in her hands, before frowning at the time that flashed on the screen. “Fuck, I have class.”

* * *

 

Karin is kind of disappointed when he has to leave, because _her_ stupid ass has to go to class (even as hung over as she was) and watches him as he pulls his clothes on in her room. Except for his — oh, right, his shirt. Which she is currently kind of wearing.

But she didn’t _wanna_ take it off.

“Hey, Babe,” he murmurs, sliding his cell in his pocket and snaking his arms around her waist. “I kind of need my shirt back.”

She pouts at him. “Don’t wanna.”

But then an evil idea crosses her mind, and she smiles.

* * *

 

The moment she smiles, Suigetsu knows he’s fucked.

“Or, maybe,” she says, voice all low and sultry, “you can convince me?”

Oh, she wanted to play that game? Fine by him. _He_ wasn’t the one who had class.

He leans in to kiss her, slowly, trailing his fingertips along the tops of her thighs, past the lace frill of her underwear, before sliding down to squeeze her ass. She squeaks in surprise, but wraps her arms around his neck to kiss him deeper.

As their tongues entangle and he hoists her up onto her dresser, he thinks he’s going to love living with this girl.

* * *

 

 **to: Kar**  
 **from: Sak  
** _I think I just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame. Beautiful_.

**to: Sak**  
 **from: Kar  
** _isn’t it JUST?_

**to: Sak; Ino; Hina; Tennie**  
 **from: Kar  
** _by the way i may or may not end up rooming with the guy i fucked last night. and this morning. it’s been a good day._

**to: Kar**  
 **from: Ino  
** _so the dick was a go?_  

* * *

 

**to: Babe**  
 **from: Sexy Sui**  
 _By the way, your neighbor from across the street gave me a funny look as I was getting in my car. Sue her.  
_

**to: Sexy Sui**  
 **from: Babe**  
 _that would be one of my best friends. and THIS is what you set your name as?  
_

**to: Babe**  
 **from: Sexy Sui**  
 _Would you deny it?  
_

**to: Sexy Sui**  
 **from: Babe  
** _hmm. maybe not. but it might require more testing._

**to: Babe**  
 **from: Sexy Sui  
** _Well, when can you come see the apartment? Because, we can make that happen._

**to: Sexy Sui**  
 **from: Babe  
** _i get off work at 8. i can bring pizza?_

**to: Babe**  
 **from: Sexy Sui  
** _I’ll be there, Babe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok halfway through writing it i decided i lied and i’m going to totally do a whole chapter set for this specific setup ok because wow i really like this. 
> 
> also, i really did not proofread this chapter. sorry. 
> 
> yes, so this was long, love me. and um, yeah, i'm just not very good at writing straight porn. sorrryyyyyy. 
> 
> also, i'm sure karin is so out of character it makes you want to shoot yourself. sorry for that too. 
> 
> and, yeah, there will be stories from between this point and the point they were at when they first showed up and there will be stories that will go farther back because people met farther back. you can be sure of that. they all kind of jump around. they all get together at different times, all have different kinds of drama. & remember that next couple chapters are allll about this night at (& after) the club. 
> 
> have fun!


	9. (617): shut up, i wear heels bigger than your dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inokiba: As their small talk continued, she found herself confused. When had she ever had small talk with her one-night stands besides a quick exchange of names so that they knew what to moan out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, those of you who follow this have noticed that i haven't posted anything. that's because i basically just hate dealing with ao3 formatting. i've been posting this on fanfiction, but some fun ruiner apparently is going to report it because of "MA content bluhbluh". so, i'm updating it all here from now on.

Well, Karin the stupid bitch had ditched her — them. And now she had nobody to dance with, because Sakura would not grind booties with her like Karin would, and well, she wouldn’t even _dare_ ask Hinata or Tenten.

So she leans in close and talks as loud as she can, hoping Sakura can hear. “I’m going to find someone to dance with, Karin ditched us to get dick.”

Sakura frowns and rolls her eyes, and although Ino can’t hear it she knows Sakura’s bitching about the redhead. But with a nod and a wave of her hand, she dismisses Ino.

And so the blonde was on a _hunt_. Because she wanted to get laid if Karin had already ditched them, fuck their supposed Girl Night. (And, well, ok, this _always_ happened and she _knows_ it pisses the other three off to no end, but when Karin ditches, so does she. They were a pair.)

Ino let the music take her, then, in the middle of the dance floor, not quite partnered with anyone. Dancing was what she was _good_ at, for the specific reason that she could completely lose herself in the music. She was vulnerable, caught up in the sharp thuds of the beat that resonated through her bones, but here she didn’t particularly care.

And she smiles to herself as she feels a hand on her waist and warm breath on her neck.

“What’s your name?” he asks, in a husky voice.

“Ino,” she replies, turning around to get a good look at him. He was…attractive, yeah, wow, ok. With a pretty tan and a sharp jawline, she could _definitely_ imagine kissing that. “And yours, stud?”

“Kiba,” he says with a grin. “Wanna get a drink?”

They retreat to the bar — and, oh, there goes Karin — off where the music wasn’t quite so loud, and they could talk without having to scream in each others ears. He buys them both drinks: for her, a fruity drink that she didn’t particularly care about, and for him, a beer — boring, true, but got the job done.

“Do you go to Konoha Uni?” she asks, with a bat of her lashes and a flirty smile as she sips from her drink.

“Yeah,” he says. “You?”

She hums in affirmation. Mm, he was probably a year older than her, but she couldn’t quite tell in the dim light.

As their small talk continued, she found herself confused. When had she _ever_ had small talk with her one-night stands besides a quick exchange of names so that they knew what to moan out? Something felt different. The way he smiled at her, though still flirtatious and sexy, had a hint of something…God, she didn’t know, sweet?

And she made a split second decision that, if she was honest with herself, she never would have made with anybody else that she met at a club.

“Hey, I have to get back to my friends,” she says, watching his face drop, but quickly continues, “but would you like to meet up sometime?”

Ino really hopes he takes this as a date and not as a booty call.

Kiba grins and nods, pulling out his cell phone. “Sure, I’d love that.”

They make a date at the local pizza place for three days later, and she smiles a smile that she’s not quite sure she ever has for a boy. “I’ll see you then, Kiba.”

When she returns to the girls, they’re shocked and astonished that she is not completely naked in some guy’s arms, nonetheless _there_.

“What can I say?” she says with a smile, looking at his glowing contact screen on her cell. “He’s special. I didn’t want to just fuck him.” 

Sakura gives her a look that calls her crazy. “Ino, you’ve known him for all of ten minutes. How the fuck do you know if he’s special?”

She shrugs. “I just _do_ , Sak.”

* * *

 

 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Just making sure we’re still on for Venezia’s tomorrow?_

 **to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _yes! definitely. (:_  
  
 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Awesome. Just wasn’t sure, thought maybe you had the alcohol out of your head you might’ve reconsidered._

 **to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _oh, trust me, stud, i wouldn’t even THINK of reconsidering._

 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Neither would I. Glad we’re on the same page here. ;)_

 **to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _i hope you do realize that i’m not a booty call, right? because ok, yes, we did meet in a bar and i may have been a little smashed but if that’s what you’re looking for in our date than we should really just call the whole thing off._

 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Of course not! Well, ok, you’re def hot, but I really do want to go on a date with you. Trust me, if I just wanted a booty call, I would have told you. Even if you were kind of smashed._

 **to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _good, very good, yes. ok, we ARE on the same page here. and shut up, i wear heels bigger than your dick._

 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Hmm, not so sure. We might have to test that._

 **to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _oh, stud, you obviously did not get a good look at my bangin’ heels last night._

 **to: Beautiful**  
from: Stud  
 _Well, I guess you’ll just have to wear your best tomorrow, won’t you?_

**to: Stud**  
from: Beautiful  
 _and so you shall receive. see you tomorrow, stud._  
  
 **to: Beautiful**  
 **from: Stud**  
 _Looking forward to those heels, beautiful._


	10. (212): she's cute, but batshit. like some kind of dominatrix Disney princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruhina: She giggles as they stumble through the threshold of his apartment, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. She’s only a little drunk, and although the scent of beer on his lips is sharper than hers, she knows that they’ll both remember. He murmurs his love into her ear and picks her up to carry her to their room. Hinata squeals and kisses his neck, leaving a bruise or two behind in her wake.

“Mm, no Daddy, I just, um,” Hinata says into the phone, swatting at her boyfriend’s lips at her neck, “I’m staying the night at Ino’s place. Why can’t I come home? Well, umm…you know what, Daddy, I’ll be honest. I’m drunk. I’m really drunk, I’m sorry, but I just think it’s safer for me to stay at her house than get in a cab and maybe possibly be kidnapped.” She clumsily masks her chuckle by burying her face into Naruto’s neck. “You don’t want that, right Daddy? Ok, yeah. No, I’m not actually going over to see Naruto.” The two of them share a smug grin. “Uh-huh. Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, too. Bye.”

She giggles as they stumble through the threshold of his apartment, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. She’s only a little drunk, and although the scent of beer on his lips is sharper than hers, she knows that they’ll both remember. He murmurs his love into her ear and picks her up to carry her to their room. Hinata squeals and kisses his neck, leaving a bruise or two behind in her wake.

But it’s when he tosses her on the bed and covers her entire body with his that she finds herself out of flirty laughs reserved just for him, and suddenly feeling arousal budding inside her. Because while they were so desperately, hopelessly, _sweetly_ in love, she can’t help but love it when he looks at her with feral eyes, hungry for _her_.

“Mm,” she hums as he kisses her, intertwining their fingers together. Despite the hungry, raw passion he seems to possess at the moment, the entangling of tongues is slow and sweet.

“I love you,” Naruto murmurs breathlessly into her ear, letting go of her hand to run them down her sides. Her breath hitches as he places hot, wet kisses on her neck, and she whines in pleasure as he nips hard at her throat. She stares up at him under her long lashes and smiles, slowly and seductively.

_He’s so in for it_.

Hinata liked being dominated, this was true. But what she _loved_ was having total control over him, going as slow or as rough as _she_ wanted. And, well. He couldn’t help but give in to her desires, because oh, did he love it, too.

(Oh, and sometimes, they _fought_ for that right and God, if that wasn’t the best sex they had.)

She flips them over, straddling him and pulls off her short dress in one fluid movement, before hungrily kissing him once more. Her fingers run through his blonde spikes and her nails dig just enough to hurt into his scalp, but he thinks that’s ok because _God_ , what a turn-on.

He’s making hot, frustrated noises that she loves to hear, because it means she’s in control, that it was her and _only_ her that could do this for him (she was only a little self-conscious, really) and her lips begin to turn upward in a smirk —

before he rakes his nails down the soft skin of her back.

She lets out an undignified moan—what the rest of the girls would call her inner pornstar—, arching her spine in response and, consequently, pressing her chest into his face. He takes the opportunity to pull a nipple into his mouth and oh, is the reaction instantaneous.

She stumbles over a curse with a clumsy tongue ( _When did he get my bra off?_ ) that tastes of beer and lets her head fall back in pleasure.

For the most part, Hinata hates her boobs. She hates them because they’re big and obtrusive and really, they just get in the way of _everything._ They call far too much unwanted attention to her andthey made her worry so much. She was always worried that any clothes she liked weren’t going to fit her (and she wasn’t even going to _start_ with buttons); she was so worried that she was never going to find a good bra that fit, or that one day they would be gross and saggy because they were stupid and big and wow, she hated them. She thought that they made her figure disproportionate, like a badly sexualized cartoon character from an artist with no real concept of anatomy.

But Naruto made her feel beautiful, even with them. He would always spend extra time to massage them or kiss them, and told her often how pretty the flesh of her breasts were when bathed in moonlight. He made her feel absolutely flawless.

And that’s how she feels even now, half-dressed and making wanton noises, in a position her father would say was “unseemly” for someone she wasn’t married to.

But it didn’t matter to her, because she loves him and he loves her and that’s all she wants.

(Besides, she was going to marry him. One day.)

She hums from deep inside her throat, tucking the loose strands of hair behind her ear, and shoves him by his shoulders up against the bedpost. Her fingers trail lightly up and underneath his shirt, brushing over hard muscles and sticky skin as she whispers to him, and her warm breath on his ear almost makes him shiver.

“That was nice, but don’t forget that I’m the one in control.”

When he shudders and nods, she smiles.

( _God, she is so hot. Holy shit_.)

Hinata pulls his shirt off of him and throws it without a care across the room, before she begins to unzip his pants. He groans at the feeling of her warm palm through the layer of his boxers and runs his hand down her ( _soft_ , smooth) back to rest at her ass with a small squeeze.

He knows something’s wrong when she chuckles lowly, before wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him once more.

“Oh, you think I’m going to take care of that?” she murmurs against his lips. “Mm, not yet.”

He doesn’t know how she’s able to make him feel completely and utterly powerless the way she does, but still retain the sweet, innocent composure of the Hinata he loves on an otherwise normal basis, but he does not question it.

“Lay down,” she orders as she climbs off of him. He does as she asks, of course, but not without staring at her.

Her lips are red from being kissed and bitten and there are several hickies that span across her neck, dark and purpling. Her nipples are hard and pink and her entire body seems to be flushed and, God, he thought that she was just the most beautiful woman.

He expects the almost shy, but sultry smile as she pulls off her panties, but does not expect it when she swings a leg over his head and straddles his face. She’s _wet_ and smells of sex and Naruto’s dick is absolutely throbbing, trapped inside his boxers. He stares agape up at her as she clenches tightly to the top of the bedpost. She raises an eyebrow at him almost mockingly, but he can see the telltale blush blossoming on her face.

“Well? Do I have to tell you what to do?”

He grins the way he always does — the one that makes her absolutely weak at the knees — and says, “No, of course not.”

When he roughly grabs her by the top of the thighs and delves his tongue inside her without warning, a spasm runs through her body and her eyes clench shut because _God_ , he was good at this.

He had eaten her out before of course — he was such a gentleman when it came to stuff like this and he always wanted to be sure that she was enjoying herself. But they had usually done it with her lying down, able to grab him and touch him and this was so _different_. It felt good, sure, but she still kind of wished that she could rake her nails down his back and trap his head between her legs, because all she could do like this was grip the headboard a little tighter and _moan_.

“Fu — F _uh_ ck,” she breathes out, biting her lip and rolling her head back. Her legs quiver as his tongue lightly plays with her clit and his nails dig into the flesh of her thighs. She wants more, more, _more_ , but she absolutely refuses to lean into his (albeit talented) mouth, because hello, she was in control, dammit.

“More,” she says breathlessly, leaning back with one hand to palm at his erection, and the hot breath on her makes her jerk in pleasure. “Naruto, more, _more_.”

He responds with vigor, jerking up into her hand and lavishing her with his tongue. He circles almost viciously around her clit, before delving back inside of her folds. Her back arches and she whimpers loudly, breathlessly calling his name. She bites her lip so hard she thinks she’s going to bite straight through it. Her breath hitches and falls out of her mouth in uneven shudders, her hips rolling along with her waves of pleasure.

“God,” she murmurs over and over again, and there’s a ringing in her ears and she can’t tell if she’s whispering the words or screaming them at this point. She feels so helpless, so vulnerable in these moments — but she knows that he would never hurt her.

And she is so close — so close so close so close it _hurts_ , and she’s screaming nonsense at him that she knows is nothing more than a jumble of syllables over a fumbling tongue. His hands dig into her hips hard enough to leave bruises, because he has to just so he can continue his work with the way her hips are bucking. But the pain feel so good, she thinks, and the way his fingers knead her skin is so erotic, so slight, that she can’t breathe, she’s so close, it’s almost enough, almost almost.

Hinata whines desperately, because she knows it’s almost there, she can feel the tell-tale signs. The almost suffocating warmth that’s spread through her body, the small beads of sweat that slide down her bare back, the way her eyebrows are knit together in an incredibly vulnerable expression. The way her thighs, her calves _ache_ because she’s been clenching them because she’s so fucking close and all she can think about is the silky feel of Naruto’s tongue inside her, the way his warm fingers dig into her skin, the nip of the cold on her nipples.

“Please,” she moans breathlessly. “Fuck, _please_ , I’m so— I’m s— ”

Something in her snaps and her eyes roll into the back of her head and it just feels _so_ good.

“Hnngh!” she cries, clenching her eyes shut. She sees white, like bright warm fireworks behind her eyelids and her head feels light as balloon. A spasm runs through her body and she continues to ride his tongue hard and fast, fumbling for a hard, clenched grip on the bedpost. “Naruto, God, God, fuckfuckfuck…”

(Hinata was very vocal, and God, did he love it.)

Hurriedly, she gets off of him, kissing him deep and fierce. She can taste herself on his tongue as she fumbles with the waistband of his boxers. And God, he is absolutely rock-hard and hey, talk about a self-esteem booster.

“Off,” she commands, gazing at him passionately under half-lidded eyes. “ _Now_.”

He was all too eager to comply.

* * *

 

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
so. how did your night go?

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
Well, I bumped into this hot girl, spilled my drink all over her and ruined any chance I could have had. I felt her glare like the entire night.

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
ouchhhh.

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
Aren’t you with your girlfriend right now? Shouldn’t you be engaging in gloriously drunk sex?

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
that was a thing that has already happened. we both came like three times. she pretty much passed out the moment her head hit the pillow but i am laying awake in awe.

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
…My curiosity trumps my sanity. What happened?

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
dude, she like, she sat on my face. and bossed me around the whole time. and just she usually doesn’t DO that and so when she does it’s like, wow. she’s cute, but batshit. like some kind of dominatrix Disney princess.

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
We’re talking about Hinata, right? Shy girl? Who blushes when you hold hands in public?

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
yes. she is so fucking perfect dude. like i’m gonna fucking marry her.

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
What the actual fuck. What did you do in a past life to deserve that? 

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
don’t know, don’t care. i don’t question destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> realistic female orgasm for the win. (this chapter is what got me reported, and yet i have no regrets.)


	11. (215):  the guy i was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nejiten: When he pulls away, he can taste the tequila from her pink lips, and she blinks her big chocolate eyes at him in shock. “Did…Did you just? Did you just kiss me?”
> 
> A slow half-smirk spreads across his face. “Yeah, I did. Do you want me to do it again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've read sincerely but never yours by alive in wonderland on ff.net, you'll understand why exactly i had to write nejiten.

So she knew him.

Well, of _course_ she _knew_ him — it was Neji, her best friend’s cousin, and someone she’d like to call her best friend (because they were definitely friends, ok) because all that time they spent together as the only two sane people on the dodgeball team with Lee in Gai’s gym class during high school meant something, right? And ok, so _maybe_ she’s had just an _eensy_ bit of a crush on him since they were, what, 12? And, ok, so _maybe_ she’s had just an _eensy_ bit too much tequila and maybe her tongue was just a _little_ bit loose right now.

Karin had ditched them to go fuck some guy she met at the bar. Hinata had gotten tipsy with them before she left in the arms of her boyfriend. After Ino had flirted with a guy she met and Sakura had gotten vodka spilled on her by different one, they had ditched her for the dance floor.

So here she was at the bar, with a shot of tequila on one side and an also-ditched Neji on the other.

“Y’know,” Tenten says, and maybe her words just a _little_ slurred, but she wasn’t _that_ drunk, really, “I’ve had a crush on you since like…middle school, I think? I dunno anymore…”

Neji smirks. Tenten was _oh_ , so drunk. Sure, he was a little tipsy, a couple stronger drinks, but no where near where she was. She had only had a couple drinks, hadn’t she? Did she just get this smashed this easily, or was she just _really_ talkative after some alcohol?

“Tenten, how many drinks have you had?” he asks her calmly.

She knits her eyebrows together for a moment, before counting surprisingly easily on her hands. “Four, I think. Maybe three. I don’t know. Feels like four.”

Okay, just talkative then.

Well, Neji was a little drunk, too. So maybe he would indulge her.

“So why do you like me?” he asks with a smirk and another sip of his drink. It burns his throat on the way down but he doesn’t mind it so much.

She chews on her lip and her eyes go up to the ceiling to think, and she just looks so damn… _cute_ doing it. Which was, well — weird. Tenten was not cute. She was fierce, she was badass, she was fucking crazy sometimes, but cute? Not really apart of her definition.

“Well, I dunno?” she says after a long moment, that involved a changing of the song thumping in their ears, several sips of her new drink (which Neji had made sure was non-alcoholic) and dozens of weird facial expressions. “You’re just, I don’t know, _Neji_. You’re dumb in a good way, y’know, like you’re one of my best friends. Don’t tell the girls I said that. And you don’t question my weirdness and you’re always kind of looking out for all of us and just…I don’t know. Nobody thinks you’re nice, y’know, but you are. But you just, y’don’t give a fuck what people think. And I like that, and I like you. I dunno. It’s dumb.”

He didn’t think it was so dumb. But he was a little drunk and so was she and well, fuck, who cared if it was dumb.

He kisses her anyway.

When he pulls away, he can taste the tequila from her pink lips, and she blinks her big chocolate eyes at him in shock. “Did…Did you just? Did you just kiss me?”

A slow half-smirk spreads across his face. “Yeah, I did. Do you want me to do it again?”

She grins, a sparkle in her eyes now. “Uh, hell yeah.”

He had no idea Tenten was such a good kisser, really. Her lips are soft and mold to his pretty much perfectly. Her hands tangle in his ( _soft so soft wow_ ) long hair and he plays with the baby hairs at the nape of her neck that didn’t quite make it into her buns.

“C’mon,” the bartender says gruffly, taking away their empty glasses and eyeing them with a tired expression. “I called a cab for you two. Can’t make out at the bar, guys. Go home.”

Neji is about to ask to call another one for her, but she interrupts him with a bat of her eyelashes — again, where did this cute thing come from — and tells the bartender, “Of course, we’re so sorry. We’ll get out of your way.”

“Tenten,” Neji hisses as she takes him by hand and leads him to the exit of the club. “Where exactly are you going?”

She turns around to stare up at him beneath her lashes, before smiling and saying, “Well, isn’t it obvious?” 

She kisses him, this time, and he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the kiss that makes his head feel cloudy and muddled. He doesn’t want to do something she’ll regret later, something _he_ might regret later, even though he’s been in love with her for God knows how long and this whole idea was all too tempting.

“You’re drunk,” he murmurs against her lips.

“So’re you.”

They kiss again, and he thinks her lips are far more intoxicating than the vodka he had been drinking.

_Fuck it_.

* * *

 

**To: Ino, Sak**  
From: Tenny  
hey so btw guys i went home with neji so im ok and if im not blame him k bye  


**To: Tenny  
From: Ino  
** YOU CAN’T JUST SAY YOU WENT HOME WITH HYUUGA FUCKING NEJI AND LEAVE IT AT THAT WHAT THE HELL TENTEN  
  
 **To: Ino**  
From: Tenny  
shh only drunken sex now

**To: Tenny**  
From: Ino  
OH MY GOD I BETTER GET ALL THE DETAILS IN THE MORNING

* * *

 

“Your apartment’s nice,” Tenten murmurs against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Thanks,” he says, voice low and almost gruff, and pins her up against the front door.

Their lips meet and their tongues tangle together and sure, they taste like alcohol and reek of club musk, but they’re with each other and right now that’s all that matters. She thinks that Neji is an amazing kisser, especially for someone who’s never seriously dated anyone — and wow, speaking of those lips.

 

His breath is hot on her neck and oh, holy _fuck_ did she like neck kisses. She tilts her head as he places open-mouthed kisses along the flesh of her neck, the junction where her shoulder meets, her collarbone. She shivers against him, and lets her hands run down his back and creep up under his shirt. His skin is hot and clammy — probably from the alcohol, she thinks — and she wants to run her hands over all of him.

She grins at the way his breath hitches when she trails her nails down his side. 

“Impatient,” he murmurs hot in her ear, threading his fingers through the belt-loops on her shorts and pulling her flush to him.

“Mm, well.” Their kisses are sloppy now, but heated and passionate. “I have been waiting an _awfully_ long time.”

“Well, let’s not waste any time then.”

She lets out a low groan that she didn’t quite mean to let slip when Neji suddenly grinds against her. The friction is pleasant but not enough, and she’s beginning to notice the low throb from between her legs. 

Part of her thinks that this is going all too fast, that it shouldn’t be this way, it was supposed to be slow and sweet and take months and maybe even years — but another part of her says _fuck that_. Because whatever they ended up being, _if_ they ever ended up being anything, they would not be normal. And they were doing things backwards and completely fucking screwed up, but that was how they were.

So she kisses him even harder, and when he growls because she bites his lip probably a little too hard, she grins deviously.

He picks her up and attacks her neck once more, and Tenten squeals but wraps her legs around his hips. She enjoys the low groan Neji gives when she rolls her hips against his and squeezes her legs, but payback is oh, so immediate. He bites the junction of skin when her shoulder meets her neck and she lets out a whimper.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, kissing the bite. “Too hard?”

“It was a good hard,” she reassures, following his example and kissing his jaw. “You can do that _any time_ you’d like.”

She finds that she’s glad he’s carrying her to the bedroom because her tight clothes are suffocating her right now and all she wants is for them to be _off_. She also really wants his clothes to be off, although for much different reasons. Well, ok, it ends up being the same reason, she guesses, because it all ends in sex—

Holy shit. She was going to have sex with Neji.

He drops her on the bed and hovers over her, body flush against hers. He’s about to kiss her lips, her neck, her freckled shoulders and maybe pull off his shirt when he realizes she’s staring up at him with her big chocolate eyes.

“What?”

“We’re going to have sex, aren’t we?”

He blinks. “That’s why we came here, isn’t it?” He pauses for a moment, before sitting back on his heels. “Unless you changed your mind.”

“No,” she says simply, pulling him back down to her and molding her lips to his. “Just processing, I guess.”

“Oh?” Neji’s cool eyes stare up into hers as he places hot, open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone. She doesn’t look away, but bites her lip to keep from making embarrassing noises. “And why do you have to process that?”

“W-Well,” she starts, finding it difficult to speak clearly with his warm fingers curling over her stomach and his hot breath all over her. “It’s _you_ , and oh—a-ah, um…” He bites the swell of her breast that’s accessible from above the neckline of her tank top, which he’s already pushed up to reveal the smooth expanse of her navel. “You’re just, pretty mu— _uh_ —ch perfect, I guess, maybe, I’m…” She gasps and clenches her eyes when his knee grinds at the spot between legs, and the pulsing between her legs without _proper_ stimulation is starting to get a little unbearable.

He chuckles at looks back up at her. “It’s ok, you don’t really have to talk. After all, you seem to be having some trouble.”

“Oh God, I can’t think when you do this to me, ok?” she says, shooting him a glare that they both know isn’t real because her eyes and thoughts are clouded with lust. “But you have to take your shirt off. Now.”

He does so immediately, throwing the white t-shirt off and after a receiving an approving look from Tenten, pulls her tank off as well. Her skin is tanned from long hours in the sun, and Neji thinks her golden skin is absolutely gorgeous and doesn’t hesitate to kiss it. When his lips trail down to lick a line down the right side of the V of her hips, he relishes in her strangled moan with a smirk and a tightening in his pants. When he _bites_ said hip, he does not expect the way she flips them over and attacks him.

Apparently, she really found this biting thing really hot. Which he was a-ok with because while the biting part was ok, her reaction was _really_ sexy.

Her fingers dig into his scalp in a pleasurably painful way, but he catches her lower lip between his teeth and drags his nails down her back. From the way she gasps, he thinks that she just might like that, too.

“You are really fucking hot,” she murmurs as she shimmies off her jean shorts. “And you keep doing these really hot things and it’s _not fair_.”

His breath catches in his throat and suddenly his jeans are all too uncomfortable. He notices for the first time in the dark shadows of his room the way her breasts are almost falling out of her cotton bra. He notices that underneath the dark, sheer tights, she’s also wearing a pair of black boy shorts.

They were so totally ordinary, so normal, but sexy in a way that could only be Tenten because in his book, she defied every single law of nature he knew. They were simple; they were _her_.

So he kisses her with his passion and his lust and his _love_ and hopes she knows. He doesn’t think she does, not yet, because her mind was as clouded with the thought of sex as his was, but the effort counted, right? He decides that he’ll make sure she knows later.

He brings his knee up to rub against her and she shudders with a gasp. It’s better now that her shorts are off, but it’s not enough. Even so, she rocks back on his knee, her hips rolling just to get that sweet, sweet friction. Her fingers knot in the sheets next to his head, and his lips find their way to her neck where they suck and bite at her sensitive skin.

And then she realizes. Why the _fuck_ was she humping his leg when his dick was right there and, judging by the bulge in his jeans, totally hard?

Tenten, though a little hazy by the way his leg grinds against her, runs her hands down his chest and pulls at the waistband of his jeans. He stops, for a second, almost stunned, and looks at her with what she thinks are fearful eyes.

“Is this okay?” she asks with a whisper. Her eyes flicker up to his, then back down to his pants, where her thumb rubs against the cool button. She tries not to notice the way her hand shakes, her mind suddenly clear from the completely real idea of sex with Neji.

It’s not like she was a virgin. It was college, and she liked to have fun, so of course she had gotten some. (In her freshman dorm room when Hinata had been away— in a bathroom, once— against the brick wall when she had been smashed with something other than alcohol after a frat party but, that hadn’t been consensual and she doesn’t like to count it. She doesn’t like frat parties anymore, either.)

But this was _Neji_. Neji, the guy who she’d had a crush on since middle school. The guy who she’d masturbated to a couple of times as a young high school girl discovering her own body. The guy who she’d practically given up on, because the mere idea of her and him _ever_ was pretty much like the idea of traveling to Neptune.

Yet here she was, about to get on the spaceship and blast off to the depths of the fucking Final Frontier itself.

“Yeah. That’s okay.” Neji’s voice is gruff and almost choked. She doesn’t know whether this is because he’s turned on or because he’s just as terrified as she is, but he said it was okay.

She unbuttons his jeans slowly, cautiously, her eyes constantly flickering between her hands and his face. His eyes are closed though, and his chest rises with the same heady breaths as hers. Her heart pounds inside her chest to the same rhythm that her pussy throbs between her legs, and she bites her lips as she unzips his jeans.

He’s hard and thick in her hands and the sudden groan from Neji when she palms his dick in his boxers makes a shiver run down her body. It was hot, and the idea of having him inside her was becoming increasingly more attractive.

She lifts herself up to sit on his lap and before he knows what she’s doing she grinds down against him. She gasps and her fingernails dig into his shoulders; this was _so_ much better.

“Fuck,” he moans, hips bucking up instinctually.

He could feel her warmth and wetness even through his boxers and her panties. Not to mention, the much-needed friction to his dick, which had been sorely forgotten about for the majority of their…whatever this was.

He grabs her hips to bring them both together, grinding into her and her hips rolling against his.

Any trepidation between the two of them was gone, now — they were both ready. Really, really ready, actually, Tenten realizes, reaching back behind her to unhook her bra, tossing it off the edge of the bed. He doesn’t miss a beat, not hesitating to take her dark, rose-colored nipple in his mouth.

Neji flips them over, hovering his hot body over hers, pulling his jeans off. He kisses down her body, flicking his tongue over her nipples, dipping into her belly button, before mouthing at the wet spot in her panties. She lets out a fluttering moan and digs her fingers into his scalp.

He stares up into her eyes with a smirk as he pulls off her panties. When he drops them to the floor, he blinks suddenly and his eyebrows furrow for a moment. 

“What?” she asks, her breathing heavy and her lips tingling with anticipation.

He shakes his head before pulling something off his left hand and tossing it across the room. It ricochets against the hard wood with a distinct _ding_ ing sound.

“What was _that_?” she asks, with a raised brow.

A flush creeps out along his cheeks, and he mumbles his answer unintelligibly into her thigh. She grins. It’s something embarrassing, and she _loves_ embarrassing.

“I’m sorry, what?” Her voice is mocking. She’s evil and she knows it.

“My purity ring,” he mutters, still not looking into her eyes.

She throws her head back and laughs. It was cute, and it was somehow so Neji. Well, so _Hyuuga_ , really. Hinata has one, too, although for the most part she still wears it because her father was _supposed_ to think she was still a virgin. But it was sentimental in a real way, she knows. It was important, and it was important that he took it off for her.

She leans over and pulls him up to kiss him. It’s long and slow but full of tenderness and what she thinks and hopes is love. His skin is hot and sticky with sweat and her hair is tangled and knotted in his hands. They both smell like lust and club, and their thoughts are heady with each other, but they take this moment and devote it to something a little more loving.

“It’s sweet,” she murmurs against his lips, “to know that I’m your first.”

And what she hopes will be his forever.

* * *

 

Tenten wakes up to the sun glaring in her face and a pounding in her head. Fuck, her head hurt. She blearily opens her eyes, almost regrettably — the sun was way too fucking bright, ok — only to see Hyuuga fucking Neji staring back at her.

_Holy shit._  

This was a dream. This was a dream. This was a fucking dream because, hello, there was no way _Hyuuga Neji_ would really actually be naked in her presence. Not only that, naked with _her_ who is also naked. Because that implies they slept together.

And then the memories of last night come rushing through her head. Including the tequila, and the way they kissed all night, and the way she had moaned when she orgasmed and the way his dick felt inside her and —

Holy fucking shit. She slept with Hyuuga Neji. She slept with motherfucking Hyuuga Neji.

“Um,” she says, blinking down at him, trying really hard not to stare down at his _gorgeously sculpted_ naked chest and trying to not think about how her tits were so totally bare and uncovered right now. Oh God, was that his dick on her thigh? “Wow. Um. So. Things happened last night.”

He gives her a small smile, but she can see in his eyes that it’s soft, almost embarrassed and she thinks her heart is going to _melt_.

“Yeah, things definitely happened.” His hand creeps up to intertwine with hers and oh God, _why is she blushing_ ; she does not _blush_ , ok. “Do you regret them?”

She stares into his eyes and slowly shakes her head. “Nope. Wow, no, I do not. Not at all.”

He kisses her again, and she thinks she could get used to this.

* * *

 

**To: Ino; Sak; Kar; Hina**  
From: Tenny  
so the guy i was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

**To: Tenny; Sak; Kar; Hina**  
From: Ino  
WHICH WAS NEJI BY THE WAY I THOUGHT I WOULD LET YOU ALL KNOW. SHE BONED NEJI. HINATA SHE BONED NEJI. NEJI. NEEEEJIIII.

**to: Tenny**  
from: Sak  
Know the Walk of Shame. Love it. Become it. Embody it.

**To: Tenny**  
From: Kar  
You hit that?!?

**To: Tenny**  
From: Hina  
Ohmygod. Oh my god. You. You did the thing. With my cousin.

**To: Ino**  
From: Tenny  
you are going to pay. i swear it.

**To: Tenny**  
From: Ino  
love you too!! xoxo


	12. (+61): i'm pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sasusaku: “Do you talk to all your patients like that?” Sasuke interjects smoothly from his chair in the corner of the room. “That’s not very professional, you know.”
> 
> She turns to him and a saccharine smile spreads upon her face. “I’m sorry, Naruto, who’s your friend? He seems like a real douchebag.”

Jade and onyx clashed as the two stared each other down across the room. Sakura was biting the inside of her cheek hard not to say something to him. Sasuke was mustering up the biggest glare he could from across the room.

“Sakuraaaa,” Naruto whines on the patient bed. “I’m _dying_.”

She sighs, breaking her eye contact with the man who had practically doused her in tequila two nights prior, and turns to her patient. Her patient, who was also a longtime friend of hers, and also a lifelong _idiot_.

“Shut up, you’re not dying,” she says, tapping her pen on the clipboard in front of her. “You just have mono.”

“Do you talk to all your patients like that?” Sasuke interjects smoothly from his chair in the corner of the room. “That’s not very professional, you know.”

She turns to him and a saccharine smile spreads upon her face. “I’m sorry, Naruto, who’s your friend? He seems like a real _douchebag_.”

Naruto frowns, as though he’s actually confused. “Sakura, you know him, this is Sasuke — we went to grade school together, then he had to switch schools for a while. C’mon, you remember him!”

Oh, she remembers him alright. She remembers the huge crush she had on him, and the way she had confessed to him the day before she left. She _also_ remembers that he hadn’t spoken a word to her since, despite the fact that he kept in almost constant contact with Naruto. Not to mention that he ruined her outfit the other night. She’s washed it twice since then and the stench of liquor still hasn’t come out.

“Yep,” she says, staring him down with an icy glare. “Sure do.”

Naruto feels a chill run down his back as her stare turns to him. It says, “You are literally so stupid. I can’t believe I’m friends with you. I’m going to make you pay later.”

“Make sure you take some of these,” she says, handing the blond an Rx prescription form, “and do make sure not to get Hinata sick. Her father won’t be happy. Now, leave, please. I have other patients to get to.”

Naruto makes sure to be very careful not to touch her on his way out. Oh God, he could already see it now. She was going to kill him, through some backhanded way so that no one would ever suspect that it was her. Either that, or she was going to break his nose. He never knew with her. But he was going to get hurt, one way or another.

Sakura feels the breeze as Sasuke passes next to her, his fingertips brushing her shoulder as he goes. She tenses up and turns to glare at him, only to be met with a smoldering smirk from him.

“Oops,” he murmurs, before disappearing out of the door.

She resists the very, very, _very_ strong urge to scream and punch someone ( _him_ ) in the face. Instead, Sakura settles for writing out several profanities on her Rx pad and sticking it to the bottom of her clipboard. She spends the rest of her shift thinking about the painful ways she was going to make Naruto pay for making the kind of mistake like putting her and someone who she had humiliated herself in front of in the same room together.

* * *

 

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
 _I’m pretty sure the interns at the hospital have gotten hotter._

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
 _are you talking about sakura?_

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
 _…Yes. She definitely grew into that forehead of hers._

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
 _if she knew you said that she would kill you. so do you think you have a chance?_

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
 _No clue. I mean, she confessed before I left, but I was too embarrassed to even talk to her at all. We’re not twelve anymore and it’s not that big of a deal to me, but she’s super pissed about it. It’s kind of a shitty feeling, especially since she’s not at all annoying like she used to be - I’m even impressed by the glare she sent me. I’M impressed. I’d at least like to be friends again.  
_

**to: Teme**  
from: Dobe  
 _ok, i know you usually don’t take my advice, but go for it. you’ll have to grovel and it’ll be a slow, somewhat painful process, but go for it._

**to: Dobe**  
from: Teme  
 _I know I don’t usually take your advice, but in this particular case, I’ll trust you._

**to: Teme**  
 **from: Dobe**   
_a true act of friendship. i think i’m going to cry._

**to: Dobe**  
 **from: Teme**   
_And you’re back to being an idiot._

* * *

 

**to: Ino**  
from: Sak  
 _So. Guess who I saw at the hospital today._

**to: Sak**  
 **from: Ino**   
_that asshole that called you “ugly” like 24/7 as nickname?_

**to: Ino**  
from: Sak  
 _I would have preferred seeing Sai. Nope, Naruto brought in Uchiha fucking Sasuke with him today._

**to: Sak**  
from: Ino  
 _THE uchiha sasuke???? as in, your childhood and forever love uchiha sasuke??? THAT uchiha sasuke??_

**to: Ino**  
from: Sak  
 _Yeah. Him. He’s also the fucker that spilled his drink on me at Club Fire the other night. I don’t know how to feel._

**to: Ino**  
from: Sak  
 _Also, don’t call him my “forever love,” ok. That makes it sound like I’m still hopelessly, desperately, completely in love with him._

**to: Sak**  
from: Ino  
 _but that’s exactly what you are._

**to: Ino**  
from: Sak  
 _Shut up_.


	13. (707) i come from a long history of big-boobed german, swedish, and irish women. and then there's me. mother nature was like "naaaaaaah."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sasusaku: “You don’t care that they’re small?” Sakura mumbles, looking shyly down at him, who is kissing his way down her chest, bit by bit. 
> 
> “Sakura, if they were any bigger, I wouldn’t know what to do with them.”

“I hate every single one of you.”

They stare at themselves in a huge array of mirrors in the abnormally large dressing room at Victoria’s Secret. And they were all wearing their own sets of lingerie that they were trying on, and Sakura scowls at her reflection.

Her boobs were so fucking small.

There was Tenten, who was wearing a cute deep-red push-up because she was a 38B, a fucking _normal_ bra size. There was Ino, who’s wearing some weird purple…thing, but still involved a push-up (what didn’t come as a push-up at VS), which is dumb because she was a 36C. Then there was Karin, who is a 38D and had an almost abominable amount of cleavage spilling from her bra. And then there was Hinata, who had trouble finding a bra that was _modest_ enough for her, because that bitch is a 36DD.

Then there’s Sakura. Her cute as fuck pink push-up bra measured at a 34A. She’s twenty years old, and she’s still a _fucking A-cup_.

“It’s not your fault,” Ino says, giving her boobs a sympathetic stare. “I mean, really, it was like some horrible genetic mutation.”

Karin nods, adjusting the straps on her bra. “You know, you could probably like, code your own DNA once you actually get a job at the hospital. Figure out what genes code for boob size. Make a drug that enhances the expression of that gene. Save poor girls everywhere from the terrors of too-small boobs or too-big boobs. You could be revolutionary.”

Sakura rolls her eyes. “Karin, that’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Fuck you, bitch,” the redhead says, throwing up her middle finger and heading back into her dressing room to change back into her clothes. “I better get credit when you win the Nobel Prize.”

Idly, Sakura considers whether or not she _could_ get a nobel prize for that. “It’s a patriarchal society, Kar. I wouldn’t get a nobel prize for that unless I made a drug that coded for the expression of dick growth.”

They all snort, and even the employee that’s passing by to check on them stifles a chuckle.

“Look, Sakura, big boobs are way overrated,” Hinata says, giving her own set a disapproving stare. “They get in the way and make your figure look dumb and just…” She turns to stare at Sakura very seriously. “I can’t run without wearing like two bras at a time, Sakura. I constantly have boob sweat. I have to get shirts a size larger because my boobs are too big. You don’t want this life. Trust me.”

Okay, but an A-cup? Seriously?

* * *

 

**to: Sasuke**  
from: Sakura  
 _Ok, so what do you think about my boobs?_

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
 _…What?_

**to: Sasuke**  
from: Sakura  
 _Tell me how much you love my boobs. Right now.  
_

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
 _You guys are at Victoria’s Secret trying on bra’s together, aren’t you?_

**to: Sasuke**  
from: Sakura  
 _I come from a long history of big-boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother Nature was like “Naaaaaaah.” This is bullshit, okay. I’m a fucking A-cup, Sasuke. Like, my boobs could be mistaken for a pectoral muscle when I wear a sports bra._

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
 _Come home, and I’ll show you how much I like your boobs, ok?_

**to: Sasuke**  
from: Sakura  
 _Promise?_

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
 _I promise. Now get your ass home._

**to: Sasuke**  
from: Sakura  
 _It’ll be a while. We’ve only explored half the mall.  
_

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
… _You’ve been gone for four hours._

**to: Sakura**  
from: Sasuke  
 _Your point being?_

* * *

 

Fifteen shops and one caramel frapp later, she was getting dropped off in front of her apartment. The girls pout at her and poke hard at her ribs because they were supposed to have some fun girl time afterward, but they don’t tease too much. They were _all_ guilty of foregoing Girl Night a time or two in favor of hot sex with their man.

And boy, did Sakura need some hot sex.

Her keys were already in hand when she reached the door to the apartment, which despite it only being four in the afternoon, was locked. Sasuke had a habit of locking the apartment at all times at of the day, something she admittedly wasn’t used to when they first moved in together. The locks click mechanically into place as she opens the door, and drops her bags on the coffee table. She turns to Sasuke, who’s sitting on the couch and is turning off the tv.

He looks up at her with a skeptical eyebrow as she crawls into his lap. “How much money did you spend today?”

She purses her pretty pink lips and stares at him with her sparkling jade eyes. This is going to be an answer that he’s not going to like. “Three-fifty?”

He groans inwardly. It was her money, from her paycheck, but…she bought alcohol with that money. She was making big bucks from her intern job (with lots of scholarships and rich parents to pay for med school, somehow) and he was paying for school with whatever his parents decided to give him — something that usually correlated to how many family dinners he attended — and his minimum wage mall job.  So, for the most part, Sakura took care of the bills. Despite how much some of his _other_ friends ragged on him for his “lack of manly pride” just because his girlfriend paid most of the bills, Sasuke didn’t give a shit.

He knew that one day, he would have his own, well-paying job and they would be taking care of each other. It was just going to take a little while longer that her.

Sasuke shrugs, and kisses her softly. “Glad you had fun.”

Sakura smiles into his lips and runs her hands through his hair. He was stupidly perfect.

“Want me to show you want I got?” she murmurs into his ear. His breath is hot on her neck and she can feel his lips mold into a smirk. His fingers are warm as they dip under her shirt and span across the soft skin of her back. He hums in response, beginning to hike up her shirt, taking advantage of her position in his lap to kiss at her smooth stomach. Her skin was a creamy pink that always burned in the poolside days of summer and blushed in the chilly winters and he loves it.

As he pulls her shirt up over her chest, he smiles a little. Pink lace — his favorite for her. In the beginning of their relationship, he had been a little embarrassed over the fact that it was his favorite, because he was a _man_ , dammit, and what man likes pink lace?

He does, and his girl knows it.

“My favorite,” he hums, stroking the trim in appreciation as Sakura pulls the shirt off.

“I knew you’d like it,” she murmurs breathlessly into his ear.

Sasuke hums once more, before beginning to suckle at the soft skin of her neck. Before she knows what’s happening, she can barely breathe between the insistent nibbling and his hot breath against her neck that never fails to drive her crazy. His touches are feather light as he traces her bra, and she breathes out with a shuddering moan when he suddenly palms her through the fabric. She doesn’t even notice that he’s unhooked her bra until the cool air on her nipples makes her blearily open her eyes with a start.

“You want to know how much I love your boobs?”

She nods hazily, still lost in the land of Wow, I Fucking Love Neck Kisses.

“I love the way they look, all pure and unblemished,” he murmurs, making her shudder with the feel of his breath against her ear.

“I love the way they feel in my hands,” he says, trailing his thumbs against the underside of her breasts.

“I love the way they taste when I kiss them and I love the perfect shade of pink of your nipples. I love the way you squeal when I touch them and I love the feel of them when you arch into me.”

“You don’t care that they’re small?” Sakura mumbles, looking shyly down at him, who is kissing his way down her chest, bit by bit.

“Sakura, if they were any bigger, I wouldn’t know what to do with them.”

 She giggles at him and pulls him up to kiss her again, because her boy always knew how to make her feel happy and beautiful. She loves him with all her heart.

“You’re perfect, you know,” she says, her eyes bright.

He shoots her a look and a smirk as he pulls off her skirt and panties in one go, and bites her neck.

“I know.”

“Asshole.”


	14. (847): i’d just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. the gods must really love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inokiba: She stretches to kiss him, slowly and lazily, almost as if she was only doing it out of boredom. Yes, that’s totally the vibe she wants to give off. She’s only doing it because she’s bored, it’s not like her nerves are on fire and the urge to fuck him is entirely overwhelming.

“You know, I still can’t believe you’re Hinata’s coworker,” she says as he unlocks the door to his apartment. “How did we miss that during the, what? Entire month we’ve been dating?”

Kiba laughs and takes her hand to lead her into the apartment. “I guess we must both be idiots. Well, here it is. Nothing special.”

The apartment was nothing special, that’s true. But Ino could tell that this boy was something special. Okay, the fact that she didn’t immediately take him home and fuck him was the first red flag to go up that this could end up being something more. And now they’ve been dating. Going out on actual dates, even!

In fact, this was the first time either of them in the other’s home. They decided tentatively not to go to Ino’s because, well. She still lives with her parents and considering her very overprotective Daddy, that would be a definitely bad idea. (He still didn’t know she was dating. It would be a tentative disaster one day.)

The fact that they still haven’t had sex yet, after a month, was a testament to how special Ino thought he was.

She smiles at him and kisses him. “It’s cute.”

He grins at her. “Glad you think so, I guess. Uh, make yourself comfortable. Want a drink?”

She settles down on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her as he fetches a Sprite for her and brings it to her. The moment he sits down, she curls into his side, tucking her head under his neck as if the spot was made for her. They debate for a moment on what they should watch, flicking through Netflix’s categories without a care, before they settle on some comedy TV show that both of them know they don’t really intend to pay attention to.

They watch and chat idly through the show, but the entire time his fingers dance along her skin and leaves a trail of fire. His fingertips stroke her waist absently, and while the action isn’t meant with anything but comfort, it drives her absolutely fucking crazy. Every time his mouth stretches into that lopsided smirk, all she can imagine is him leaning over her with that fucking grin on his face and his dick inside her.

God, I must be ovulating. There is no other reason to be this incessantly horny.

“Hey, Kiba?”

“Hm?”

She stretches to kiss him, slowly and lazily, almost as if she was only doing it out of boredom. Yes, that’s totally the vibe she wants to give off. She’s only doing it because she’s bored, it’s not like her nerves are on fire and the urge to fuck him is entirely overwhelming.

No, it’s not like that at all.

They kiss lazily, wrapped up in another on the couch. It is slow and sensual and without much thought of what would come after. His fingers continue to linger on her waist, but by now the hem of her sweater has been pushed up and they graze across the sensitive skin with intention, now. The action sparks something in her, that has her pulling at his hair insistingly and pushing at his chest with purpose. Their tongues tangle together with a sudden fervor, and it is entirely, entirely too hot in this sweater for her.

He bites her lip roughly and growl when she pulls away with a gasp. She pulls off the sweater in a fluid motion and tosses it to the floor, and moves to kiss him again but he is already at her neck. Ino lets out a shuddering breath as he bites and sucks down her neck, her collarbone, the swell of her breast. His hands knead the soft skin of her waist, her hips, but he’s not quite confident enough yet to venture toward her ass. She doesn’t know if he realizes it, but they’re totally grinding a little bit because she’s sitting in his lap and she is so wet she just can’t help it. Her fingers claw loosely at his shirt, trying to pull it off of him without much luck.

“Kiba,” she whines, nipping at his ear. “I want it off.”

He pulls of his shirt in that silly — horribly fucking attractive — way that boys do and she has to bite her lip to keep herself from commentating. Like, okay, she knew had muscles, right? His gorgeous biceps were very visible to her and she liked touching them a lot, but his chest was a whole other story. He was like, her perfect definition of ripped. He had muscle, and it was visible in that pretty six-pack and the way his hips jutted out sharply from the definition of his waist, but he wasn’t bulky.

He was fucking perfect, in appearance, in personality, in the way he kissed her and they way he made her laugh.

And she was going to fuck him, because he’s probably going to be perfect at that, too.

He pushes her down to press her into the cushions of the couch and she can only comply by wrapping a leg around his waist and trailing her nails lightly down her back. She stares at him headily, waiting for him to kiss her, before she sees something other than the pure message “I want to fuck you” run across his face.

“Wait,” he says.

“What is it?” she asks breathily, her glances going everywhere around the room.

Oh, God. She’s totally fucked this up. She had started this too soon — but she had thought that all that almost-sexting flirting they were doing meant that they were ready for this step, right?  And now he’s sitting back up, looking around. Oh, God. She’s fucked everything up, she’s never going to get her perfect fucking prince, oh God—

“We shouldn't fuck on the couch, c’mon,” he says, grabbing her hand and pulling her off the couch to clutch her to him. “A princess deserves a bed.”

He smirks that stupid fucking grin at her and her panties are totally absolutely fucking soaked.

“You,” she murmurs into his ear, as she pushes him onto the bed and starts unbuckling his pants, “are absolutely fucking perfect. And I’m gonna make sure you know.”

* * *

 

**to: Sak, Tenny, Kar, Hina**   
**from: Ino**   
_ the bae & i finally did the do. needless to say, he’s fucking perfect. _

**to: Ino**   
**from: Hina**   
_ If you dare tell me anything about Kiba in a sexual manner, I will hurt you. You will be as bad as Tenten. _

**to: Hina**   
**from: Ino**   
_ hinata, darling, you really gotta get over this whole “they’re like my brothers” thing. it is totally blocking you from living vicariously through our sex lives. _

**to: Ino**   
**from: Hinata**   
_ BUT THEY ARE LIKE MY BROTHERS. ONE IS MY COUSIN WHO HAS LIVED WITH ME MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND THE OTHER HAS BEEN ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS SINCE WE WERE LIKE 12. _

**to: Hina**   
**from: Ino**   
_ excuses, excuses. _

* * *

 

**to: Ino**   
**from: Sak**   
_ So. Details. _

**to: Sak**   
**from: Ino**   
_ at one point, i was afraid that he was suddenly going to decide he didn’t want me, because he stopped everything like “wait. wait.” & i freaked out. then he said “we can’t fuck on the couch, because my princess deserves the bed.” the panties dropped immediately. _

**to: Sak**   
**from: Ino**   
_ i then proceeded to give him probably the best bj of his life, proving that not only is he perfect for me, i am perfect for him. and it was THEN proven that we are perfect for EACH OTHER because, girl, i swear to you solemnly and wholeheartedly that a dick has not fit that well in my vag since ever. our genitals are like made to order straight from the lord himself. _

**to: Ino**   
**from: Sak**   
_ And the Lord said, “Let Kiba’s dick fit perfectly in Ino’s vagina, so they shall know they are to be soulmates.” _

**to: Sak**   
**from: Ino**   
_ BASICALLY, SAK. BASICALLY. _

* * *

 

**to: Stud**   
**from: Beautiful**   
_ i’d just like to formally thank you on your dick size. the gods must really love you. _

**to: Beautiful**   
**from: Stud**   
_I’ve always liked to think that I was particularly gifted. Thank you.  _

**to: Beautiful**   
**from: Stud**   
_ On a related note, DO you wear heels bigger than my dick? _

**to: Stud**   
**from: Beautiful**   
_...i am ashamed to say that i don’t. wow. this is life-changing for me. _

**to: Stud**   
** from: Beautiful  
** _ i might not be able to let you go now, you know that, right? _

**to: Beautiful**   
**from: Stud**   
_ With the way you give bj’s and the gorgeous way you smile after you’ve been thoroughly fucked, trust me, I don’t want to let you go. _

**to: Stud**   
**from: Beautiful**   
_ oh, stop it. you’re going to make me blush. _


	15. (727) How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suika: She wants to tell him to fuck off, but he pulls her head back with a hard jerk of her hair, and all she can do is let out a hard moan. The moan is actually pretty slutty, and she is getting fucked in broad daylight, where anyone could happen upon them.
> 
> She guesses she can’t talk much shit.

Their mouths are hot against one another, tongues intertwining. Karin lets out a gasp when he trails a hand down the smooth expanse of her back to grip hard at the bare flesh of her ass.  At her noise, he bites her lip and smacks the same spot, still stinging. The pain is sharp and biting, but oh, so good.

“Fuck, Sui,” she moans, letting her head drop back. “That _hurt_.”

He takes advantage of her neck, long and inviting, and nips hard at the soft skin there.

“Good.”

“You’re such an ass,” she murmurs, shooting him a devious look as she runs her nails harshly down his back. She relishes in the angry groan he gives, and in the friction when he bucks against her. “Fuck, just put it in already.”

He turns her around so suddenly and shoved her forward, so that she has to put her hands on the wall to balance herself. And God, she can’t believe she’s getting fucked in a campus hallway in the middle of the day, but he slaps her ass again and fucks her and _God_.

She fucking hates him and his face and his dick and the fact that she lives with him but God. His dick. It hits her in all the right places and she could stay on it all day long.

Karin lets out a crying moan when he grabs her by the hair with one hand, and grips her hip hard with the other. His grip is going to leave bruises, she knows, but she likes it that way. The pain is so good and the fuck is rough that honestly, it doesn’t even matter whatever battle scars she’ll live this particular frolic with.

“You’re such a fucking slut,” he hisses, accentuating each of his words with a hard thrust of his hips.

She wants to tell him to fuck off, but he pulls her head back with a hard jerk of her hair, and all she can do is let out a hard moan. The moan is actually pretty slutty, and she _is_ getting fucked in broad daylight, where anyone could happen upon them.

She guesses she can’t talk much shit.

“Wow, Kar, that actually turns you on?” he laughs breathlessly, his nails digging into the flesh of her hips. “You are a fucking slut.”

“Call me whatever the fuck you want,” she spits, her fingers curling into fists against the hard wall. She’s getting close — she can feel it, the slow burn in her belly trailing upwards like tendrils of smoke. “You’re just as much of a slut as I am.”

“Oh yeah? How y’figure that?”

“You’re the one who wanted to fuck in a hallway,” she grins. Her glasses get knocked askew off her face, and her back arches when he thrusts particularly deep, hitting her g-spot in that special way that makes her see stars. “Fuck! Oh God, fuck, keep fucking me like that or I swear to fucking God — Sui!”

“You fucking love getting fucked like a slut though, don’t you?” he grunts, giving a lopsided grin at the way she keens and arches when he slaps her ass again. He pulls her by the hair to get her close to him. He hikes her leg up high so he can keep fucking her, and Suigetsu’s never been so grateful for her to be a dancer. His voice is husky in her ear and she can feel her legs shaking with her impending orgasm. “You fucking love my cock, don’t you?”

She can only respond with a strangled moan, and a sudden, high-pitched cry when he smacks her thigh, hard.

“I need an answer, babe.”

“Y-Yes! Yes, I do, God, fuck I do, fuck fuck fuck fuck…”

She reaches behind her to grab at something, anything, and she ends up with her hand in his hair and she pulls _hard_. It feels so fucking great, and she’s moaning without reason or shame now (not that she had a lot of that in the first place) and it’s so _fucking good._ Then he bites her neck and grabs her boob and everything just falls right into place.

She let’s out a high whine and grips his hair with all of her strength, but allows herself be limp in his arms. And he’s fucking her hard, close to his own release, and she lets herself ride on these absolutely fucking _blissful_ waves of orgasm. Just as she’s done, just as she lets herself breathe, she feels him go stiff in her, and a racking shudder travel through his body. His breath is hot and erratic on her neck, and his grip on her thigh as he comes is bruising.

He catches his breath again and she turns to her head to kiss him, hard and angry.

“I fucking hate you,” she hisses, 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

* * *

 

**to: two-headed bitch**   
**from: sharky asshole**   
_Well, that was fun. Bring pizza with you when you get home?  
_

**to: sharky asshole  
from: two-headed bitch  
** _fuck you. i’m sore as shit working on a fucking friday night and you want me to bring your lazy ass a pizza that i have to buy? fuck no.  
  
_ **to: two-headed bitch**   
**from: sharky asshole**   
_You’re no fun, babe._

**to: sharky asshole  
from: two-headed bitch  
** _i don’t have to be fun. we’re not a thing. so who gives a fuck.  
  
_ **to: two-headed bitch  
from: sharky asshole  
** _Are you SURE you don’t wanna be a thing? Even if we fucking hate each other, that’s some good sex and you cannot deny that.  
  
_ **to: sharky asshole**   
**from: two-headed bitch**   
_how about we just fuck in random places on campus, and skip the boring relationship part? because that shit will get way too complicated. i don’t have time for that kind of drama._

**to: two-headed bitch  
from: sharky asshole  
** _I get laid either way. Works for me.  
  
_ **to: sharky asshole**   
**from: two-headed bitch**   
_you are literally so fucking despicable. ugh. why do i let you see me naked._


	16. (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> naruhina: Naruto takes a moment, to look at the woman of his fucking dreams, to think of the way her smile lights up the room, to feel the way her hips feel in his hands. 
> 
> “I wouldn’t have anything but you,” he whispers. “I wouldn’t have anything without you.”

**To: Ino**   
**From: Hina**   
_But what if he doesn’t think I’m pretty? What if he has a problem with my stretch marks, or how my boobs sag, or my hips, or ???_

Hinata had been stressing about her and Naruto’s first time for a good month. The sexual tension had only continued to rise, and it was nigh time for it to happen. They both want it, of course, and some days Hinata was just so overcome with sexual tension but also so overwhelmed by her horrible body-image issues that she ended up making some silly excuse to leave.

Except for today. Today, as they watch a movie cuddled up together on a couch, the sexual tension rising, she has to text Ino in order to overcome the overwhelming urge to leave.

**To: Hina**   
**From: Ino**   
_sweetheart, he thinks you are fucking beauty incarnate. that will not change once the clothes come off. and if it does, which is highly doubtful, i will cut him. he will die because of my direct action. go for it, baby doll._

She sets her phone on the coffee table and cuddles further into Naruto’s side. He kisses the side of her head, and strokes the tops of her knuckles absently. They were both nervous, that she could tell, and as his stroking slows she knows that he’s realized. She took off her purity ring, and that was a sign. Like, a real sign that she was totally ready and planning for it and it was going to happen _today_ , dammit! They were…

They were gonna do the thing.

Their dance was one of building gestures. It started with the noticeable absence of the thin silver band around her finger, and then with the way she wrapped an arm around his stomach, her hand just peeking under his shirt to feel his warm skin. In turns, Naruto shifts so that she lies completely on him, and presses his nose into her hair, his mouth next to her ear. His breath is hot on her ear, and she begins sneaking her hand further and further up his back. He whispers, “I love you” in Hinata’s ear and that is the last step in their dance.

“Can we go into your room?” she asks with a daring look in her eyes, ones that he has never seen before but that he was give anything to stare at. He nods clumsily and fumbles with the remote, pausing the movie and leading her to his room.

He closes the door behind them, even though this is his apartment and no one would walk in. But he knows she likes it better this way, and pulls her to him with a kiss. She has to get on her tiptoes and he has to lean down a little, because he’s so tall and she’s so short, but it’s perfect.

“You know,” he says between kisses, “you are literally the best thing that could have ever happened to me.”

She looks up at him with her pretty pale eyes and smiles shyly at him. It’s the most beautiful thing to him. “You’ve always been the best thing to happen to me.”

Naruto takes a moment, to look at the woman of his fucking dreams, to think of the way her smile lights up the room, to feel the way her hips feel in his hands.

“I wouldn’t have anything but you,” he whispers. “I wouldn’t have anything without you.”

For some reason, that is the sexiest thing he could have said in that moment, because Hinata turns them around and pushes him down on the bed. She is straddling him and kissing him before he has a chance even ask what’s going on, not that he would particularly question. She pulls at his shirt until he pulls it off and throws it across the room, and he grabs her by the hips, and lifts her to toss her at the head of the bed.

He kisses down her neck until he hits the collar of her shirt, then he pushes up the hem and starts kissing at her stomach, too. Every touch is electrifying, exhilarating, and Hinata is questioning why she didn’t do this sooner.

It was so _good_.

When he hits the edge of her bra, his pretty blue eyes look up at her, questioning. She nods and sits up, and he helps her take off her bra.

“Oh my God, the legends are true.”

She raises a critical eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?”

He grins in that way that makes her weak in the knees, before kissing her long and hard, full of love and lust and everything she needs. “I knew you’d be so fucking beautiful,” he murmurs in her ear, hot and raspy.

All she can do is whimper.

 _Fuck_.

* * *

 

**To: The Squad**   
**From: Hina**   
_So. Um. We did The Thing._

**To: The Squad**   
**From: Ino**   
_TELL ME EVERYTHING. WELL, US. THE COLLECTIVE ME, IF YOU WILL._

**To: The Squad  
From: Hina  
** _So. Well. We moved to the bedroom and started kissing and basically he told me that he loved me and I was his everything and something snapped. Like, it was the hottest thing ever. And well, things just progressed from there._   
  
**To: The Squad  
From: Kar  
** _Ok but was anything weird at all. Like it’s your first time basically something had to be weird that he was into.  
  
_ **To: The Squad**   
**From: Hina**   
_He took my shirt and said ‘Oh my god, the legends are true’._

**To: The Squad**   
**From: Tenny**   
_you have legends about your fucking boobs. dude. you are fucking immortal._

**To: The Squad**   
**From: Hina**   
_Well, okay, then he told me that he knew I would always be beautiful. So it wasn’t really weird. Really, the rest of it was…like…perfect. Like he knew what I wanted before I did and just. Ahhhh._

**To: The Squad**   
**From: Saku**   
_Well, if anyone deserves fairy tale princess sex, it’s Hinata._


	17. (765) if you ever apologize to me for “too rough” sex again i will suspend your all access pass to vagina indefinitely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nejiten: Neji has this special look on his face, and she wants to keep it in her mind forever. His palm presses into the base of her throat again, but a little harder this time. He asks with his eyes if its okay and she nods slightly, eyes closing with a deep, breathless moan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for some light (and i mean super light) breathplay here.

So they hadn’t been together long. 

But that was fine. They didn’t need to be. After all, they had been in love for years, playing the tiptoe game of too shy like they were still in fucking high school. But it didn’t matter, because they were together now, and they can kiss and cuddle and fuck whenever they want to. 

Like now, for instance. Right now, they are currently tangled in the sheets of Neji's bed, the blanket having fallen onto the floor long ago. Tenten's panties and bra were removed long ago and she's been raking her nails down his back for a good while now. God, does her man know how to give good head. 

(She's only really reciprocated a couple of times, mostly because he always insists on going down on her and then they fuck and she forgets all about it.) 

"Mmmgh, ah, fuck," she moans as he slides into her, and she bites her lip at the sensation. 

He is always so hot, hovering above her, his hair always messy from their activities and the look in his eyes when he first goes into her is the best. And this is all fine and well, but it's not enough today. She scrambles and claws at him, pulls him to her and makes him bite at her neck, her breasts, her lips. 

Tenten pulls his hair and whispers "more" and that's all he needs. 

She yelps as Neji flips her over from her very comfortable position, onto her hands and knees. He's slipped out of her, but he takes a moment to appreciate her. His warm hands slide along the smooth skin of her ass, his hot breath places kisses along the dip of her spine. He follows all the way to her neck, as he releases her hair from the loose braid it was in. 

Tenten whimpers and opens her eyes to stare back at him, and she sees a fire in his silver eyes that she's never seen before. 

Neji pushes her head down into the mattress, hair splayed before her, and starts pounding into her. All she think is _Oh my God, I'm face down, ass up._  

But its good and rough and just that extra bit she needs. And he can hit that spot just right like this, hard and fast and it's just dirty enough to make her even wetter. 

Then, he yanks on her hair hard and all she can do is squeak. Her head is pulled so that all she can see is the ceiling, but God, is this something else. His hands are warm as they grip her hips, hard enough to bite but not to leave a bruise. 

"Fuck me," she moans, and reaches with one hand behind her to touch him, to do something. But instead he takes it and pulls it behind her back, hard and commanding. He whispers in her ear things she can't even process. His teeth bite hard at her already sore neck, fingers digging into her skin. His hand slowly moved its way up to her neck and presses just enough to make her dizzy in such a _perfect_  way. 

She feels like someone is having their way with her, and it is exciting and new between the two of them, but she fucking loves it. She feels safe and secure with him, and like she can just lose herself. 

Tenten moans when he reaches down to rub at her clit with a callused thumb. He was always making sure to take care of her, even when he was having his fun. God, she loves him. 

"Ruin me," she gasps, so close but not there. 

He shoves her face first into the mattress again and slaps her ass, hard. That stings, but she likes it. He's still fucking her hard, smacking her ass and kneading it so it stings a little extra. She's bucking back against him, moaning and whimpering and she's gonna fucking lose it if she doesn't come soon. 

"Fuck!" she cries. "I just wanna come, please fuck me harder, fuck-" 

Neji grabs her by the hair again, her tan back arching and shimmering in the morning sunlight. He slows his thrusts to slow and smooth. She wants to cry. 

"Babe, please," she whimpers, fingers grabbing and pulling at the sheets. "Pleasepleaseplease." 

He cocks her head to the side, voice hot in her ear. "Are you going to behave? And wait like a good girl?" 

_Oh my God._ She could come right then. 

"Y-Yes," she moans, trying to buck back onto him. "Yes, anything, fuck-" 

He smacks her rear again, hard. She guesses that cussing wasn't behaving. But anyhow, he flips her over onto her back and raises one of her legs so that her knee is pushed to her chest.  The sudden change of position feels fucking fantastic, and she can see his face now, which is a bonus. 

Neji has this special look on his face, and she wants to keep it in her mind forever. His palm presses into the base of her throat again, but a little harder this time. He asks with his eyes if its okay and she nods slightly, eyes closing with a deep, breathless moan. 

It’s just the way his torso brushes against her clit, the perfect angle he has, and she finds herself coming undone in a breathless high. She shivers and shakes to an orgasm and it is intense. 

He's still pounding into her though, and she can tell he's frustrated because he's not quite there yet, so worried about her. She pushes him off her but keep him leaning back on his heels. 

"Let me," she murmurs, breathless and a little raspy from all the screaming she's been doing. 

Neji is still in their special zone, because the moment her lips touch his dick, he grabs her hair with both hands and starts fucking her face. They've never done this before, especially, but she finds it so hot she can't complain. Even though she gags a little bit because she's not nearly as experienced as she should be, she loves her man and she thinks all this roughplay is hot as all hell. 

He comes in her mouth with a little whimper and a shuddering sigh, and she can't even complain about the taste because she loves that look on her face. She swallows after a moment and wets her lips, pulling him to her so they can lay in bed and bask together. 

"I love you," she murmurs, playing with his long lashes. 

"I love you more than anything," he replies, smiling at her. 

She falls asleep again and wakes up to him gone. Probably went to work. Ugh, work. 

* * *

 

**To: Hot Shit**  
 **From: Bae**   
_I'm sorry if the stuff from this morning was too rough. It seemed like you were into it but I wasn't sure._

**To: Bae**  
 **From: Hot Shit**   
_if you ever apologize to me for "too rough" sex again i will suspend your all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely. this morning was hot shit. i may just touch myself in bed to it right now._

**To: Hot Shit**  
 **From: Bae**   
_Alright, alright. I mean, I guess you can do that, or you could get even more hot and bothered waiting for me to get home so we could do that again._

**To: Bae**  
 **From: Hot Shit**   
_hmm, you do make a point. if you hurry home, i might even call you sir._

**To: Hot Shit**  
 **From: Bae**   
_...I'll be home as soon as I can. Also, did you change your contact name in my phone?_

**To: Bae**  
 **From: Hot Shit**   
_hehehehe._

 


End file.
